Power and control in this bipolar,there are many factors while I insist on being in control,yet so out of control at the same time,when I can control my circumstances and environment having things in line, are somewhat less chaotic for me.as I ponder the control issues of myself and others,I see that money has been the root,of power and control,when I have the money everything and everyone is within my control.people places and things I am free to engage in my behaviors.
The issue of control as long as things go according to my plan it is smooth sailing for everyone,but how realistic is this when others are involved.
The very thing I love has been taken away for the time being as I have no money today.
humbled by the mere fact,of having to ask the Hotel Manager a cute as pie south african, if I could pay for my suite tomorrow I was up all night how to get out of asking I really hate asking or being humbled in this way.I always pay whats due.This not being able to is in part of financial fumbling and living way beyond what is coming in.engaging in a spending spree that at the moment I can't possible keep up with or can I we will soon see.
But for today I am here at the hotel,humbled,asking for help is harder than giving the help thats for sure.recieving help is making me question my abilities,and my resources at this present time.
Power over my own life comes from one place in my heart God,The realization that money
is about the control.
I'm able to see the difference today
There is only one thing I can control and with Bipolar this gets tougher and tougher
is my actions.It really does take a daily effort to keep the Bipolar dragon at bay.
Accepting the facts of my reality is the hardest truth.
like it or not I am out of control.God is in control take over I can't be bothered any more
Thanks for listening comments are appreciated
Midnight matters is a look into life with Bipolar and addiction it is not for the faint of heart but rather the inside prespective of living with an illness that can take over your life and thoughts... My aim is to educate and carry the message to those that suffer in silence and isolation..there is no shame or stima here my friends its only in acceptance and understanding can we truly recover and have life.. some don't get that choice...or chance
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thankful Thursday
Somedays it easier than others to count our blessings,usually it is Thankful Thursday. Today is the day,I will count my blessings
1) I have warm clothes that I finally got from my storage unit while I was there I grabbed my bible,I am warmer and stronger for that.
2)I am thankful for God that works through me and in me as I am here today as a result of his mercy and grace.
3) I am in a beautiful hotel suite for another day hopefully,as I really really like it.
4) I am getting over the worst of the flu bug I am thankful for that.
5) I am thankful for the rest I am about to receive.
Gratitude will change your attitude..
What are you Thankful for this Thursday?
1) I have warm clothes that I finally got from my storage unit while I was there I grabbed my bible,I am warmer and stronger for that.
2)I am thankful for God that works through me and in me as I am here today as a result of his mercy and grace.
3) I am in a beautiful hotel suite for another day hopefully,as I really really like it.
4) I am getting over the worst of the flu bug I am thankful for that.
5) I am thankful for the rest I am about to receive.
Gratitude will change your attitude..
What are you Thankful for this Thursday?