Locked up or locked down

I awoke from an early evening nap by a dream I was in prison.they where going to transfer me to penitentiary with no possibility for release. I had no money and no one to represent my case.

I have been in a sense under lock down,the freedom I so crave is not possible,the torment of my mind has me bound in fear and doubt.

The inability to make decisions,to make a decisive choice on which direction I am headed.from this perspective the possibilities seem impossible.


Another week of P.M.S during the week prior I am in low mood mode,sleeping and eating,and highly irritable like a raving maniac with no self-control.The week of bleeding like a slaughter pig,leaves me weak,disoriented,headaches,cramps.
This leaves me two good weeks a month.
Hormones,bipolar perimenopause,what a combination.everything is overwhelming.
worry about things I cannot do anything about.Every once of energy taken like a vacumn sucking the dirt from a soiled carpet.
The worst part is every one else see the disrupted behavioral changes.they even say it must be that time.P.M.S
I respond saying it's putting up with your shit,I want to head for the door or any exit available to escape the feeling I have having to deal with you.
Certainly,there must be something.I can do!
In the 1800's the doctors used vibrators to keep a women from going mad.
Maybe if I had vibrating underwear.I would be happy.Dealing with this time of life
is difficult for me.Just imagine how difficult it is for my loved ones.