Bipolar nagging like a toothache.

This is a week of DA Bitch as you can see I have been complaining,bitching,just as this bipolar thing is getting the best of me.
Last week I thought I was slipping into depression when I really just had the flu,symptoms are very similar.this week I am Bipolar rapid-cycling and I am cycling as fast as I can.The nagging toothache feels very familiar in bipolar.pain, aches,complaining how things just re not going according to the thoughts in which I vision in my mind.instead suffering solitude cause really I can't stand the sight of myself at the moment nor do I really want others to see me.so I am invisible,I am still awake it's 7:30am.just ordered breakfast,and in search of a new hotel with upgraded luxuries.for example I still have not picked up a winter coat.so I have to go outside to smoke as I am in a non-smoking room.Really why is this as I smoke and it is fucking freezing out there now.My hair is a mess my eyebrows are matching the grey hairs that mix with the blond.I am less than impressed with luxury lurking around the corner.here I sit,agitated and restless.The gnawing of my tooth throbbing in my mouth I did take some Tylenol in hopes to elevate the pain,it does not take effect.As I rest my head in my hands pulling at the roots of my hair.
My brain is going faster than I can type.taking a sip of my coffee which is cooling down.I feel stuck I don't like this feeling.The solutions are many.I opt for this one.Why?to increase my frustration and anger the place which I call home?
Empowering myself,get a coat,book the dentist and change locations so things will work for me not against me.The Bitching will only last for so long till I get tired of listening to myself.then the action will be a result of getting my ass in gear.
although it may happen later,right now I need to sleep.so I'll do just that
Good-morning to you..it is lights out for me
Thanks for coming back please leave a comment I need to be inspired
the invisible bipolar

I like creme in my coffee

Today I am still burning with desire,and frustration..I have been going against my experiment my spirit is surely feeling it,sometimes people can hold you back from your plans not intentionally just by the mere existence.see I was going to change things up instead I am back where I started and really now I know why my life is the way it is.did I need to be reminded really like I didn't already know better.Thanks to the hood and friends for that extra push I may have needed.the doubt in others I see as if at my age I don't have a clue..REALLY? Do I? Yes I know what I want and don't want but putting it together seems like a steep climb at the moment.I have done it before I'll do it again just smarter..
Don't push me till I'm close to the edge.so I am outta the hood with no return like I said many moons ago.
What a difference environment makes for my Mental Health..
Back to the lap of Luxury aaahhhhhh
even for one day
Thanks for reading stay tuned

The adventure is in my mind,soon the body will catch up

The adventures are in my mind, soon my body will catch up I have been thinking..oh no not that again.I can think myself crazy.as a rapid - cycler bipolar my mind can go from imaginative,highly creative to where I am going to go and what am I going to do
who will I see,is everyone alright, as the afternoon progressed I finally got my body in gear and got going.looking for the adventure my mind is creating and in doing so we went for a drive and ended up in Port Credit.

A small town on the lake,beautiful scenery.parks,cafes,patios,people,the feeling I had being there was happy,calm,and most of all inspired.I have been looking for a change in my living arrangements something more suitable for my lifestyle now,simple and beautiful as I walked long the boardwalk looking at the lake.I love the water it makes me feel calm.

I have been looking for accommodations,no not another house as I first anticipated.apartment hotels with all the amenities and the view is spectacular.I can walk outdoors to nearby everything picture perfect I was saying as I had my dinner on the patio.the music was playing Bob Marley.Everything is going to be alright don't worry this song I love and reggae music especially Bob Marley calms my soul.
After our lovely walk along the boardwalk.then checking out accommodations.I have made a decision to move to Port Credit finally something that interest me.that gets me going, excited this is no small feat believe me.
when I got home back on-line checking things out Mental Illness the topic of my life

I breath it daily I live it.this month is the second anniversary of my school friend Lynn she was Bipolar and died as a result of suicide, at her funeral I committed my work to educate,share, on the experience of living with Mental health issues and addictions.so that others and myself will not suffer in silence but with our voice those that still suffer may choose life and living. Recovery is possible one day at a time.Previous to the Mental illness diagnosis.I worked with alcoholics and addictions
as this to is a part of my story and my father died from alcoholism.

Through my own recovery it has been the biggest challenge of my life yet the most rewarding.to share my courage strength and hope.with others.not by teaching and preaching.but by example and the power to carry that out..Reminds me daily that it a life worth living.
For that I am grateful
many don't get that choice or chance I have been given both
Thanks for reading
Susan xox

Change

Change can be difficult..when it involves ourselves..thinking
is just part of the process action is the other.I have been thinking along time about changes..my home,my work,and even people I have been in close contact with over the years.
I have done little about the action part of what I personally want.
over the last week I have made a decision..this very step can propel one into action
deciding what you want to do with today.with yourself.
as you know bipolar has had its grip on me for many years and I had become sort of compliant with it..until I made a decision to fight back.
Now that this a clear for me I am also moving..I had been thinking about this for a months but now the action part.I have endured the last year I can say it was difficult on my part as it involved family and I love them much..but taking on others difficulties teaches them nothing..what it has taught me this year is.we all have a journey called life we learn and grow through the experiences.(hopefully).
as I am embarking on a new phase of my life its called letting go and letting God.

I however have to understand in all things I can't sit back my voice has to speak
today I have done just that.in more ways than one.Change can include people as well
what's best in all circumstance for all involved is the best outcome follow your heart and your instincts..they both know what we need
thanks for reading