Avoidance

The past few weeks I have been in the mode of avoiding the realities of my life..Why?
I have come to the conclusion the with every phone call comes a problem..and I have chosen not to react to others problems or take on the emotional crap that comes with it..I am usually very compassionate and understanding however the last few weeks I am none of these things..I have a unique gift of discernment and I can see things coming from a mile away..but no one listens they call for support which at this time I am unable to give..especially when they don't want to listen or follow my suggestions..keep on keeping on and see what comes about and latley the results are aweful..it can be avoided the difficulties, the health problems, deaths, however all of these things are at the door or the end of the line and quite frankly it contributes to my depressed state..so what do I do I avoid..stop answering the phone..the door and participating in my life as at times I feel the pain that others go through..and often I take it on..however this time something is different I am allowing others to deal cope and learn from the own trials and tribulations it is the best teacher..I cannot save the world..this just is not within my reach..even though I wish I could reduce the suffering in which people bring apon themself for whatever reasons they choose..let go and let god..be still..and as difficult as this process has been for me.as my family issues are taking it's toll..It is not my problem..am I being selfish I ask myself maybe..but with my own wellness to consider
I must make that a high priority
I cannot medicate myself because you have a problem...reducing the outside stressors
has others thinking that I don't care..don't they get it Susan no longer is going to come running every time there is a problem.I am not going to let the drama of life to get me down..it is a dangerous place I have a choice today and I am not going there..Avoidance is a protective mode..I stand on guard

What if the diagnosis is I AM

The search for a diagnosis.of what ails us emotionally,there has to be something wrong
we search out answers to the question what is wrong with me?
Soon enough after many attempts we are handed the answer..Diagnosis aah ok there we have it..the solution to the problem. NOT! we are still left with the inability to accept every part of our being the good the bad and the ugly..it's all emotional some of us just can't deal with our messed up childhoods,the hurt and the pain that comes from traumatic experiences and we are emotionally dwarfed as a result the reactions to such trauma in which are perceptions have led us to believe are to painful, poor me how could these injustices prevail in my life..then we perpetrate the pain and anguish for every day for the rest of our lives.in our daily life family and relationships work suffers cause we are still as a child seeing life in a very immature perspective.we want the attention we so rightly deserve cause we have never had it.we will make sure everyone in sight No's the suffering in which we did..thus permitting it every single day.no wonder we can't get passed it.we can't forget or forgive.we think we are not worthy of life.love and everything beautiful.the emotional pain.is to great even for the sufferer to understand? what if the Diagnosis is I am.this statement in itself is empowering I am because this is how it was to be.I am the way I am because this is ME..never mind that I am anything else but me..wow this simple Revelation I m me but for the grace given to me.staying in the suffering in which wants to dwell on is a safe place its the only place in which I feel at home.it a pattern of life in which I cannot change.it is so much easier to change the unchangeable the facts of I am me with all the personal experiences that come with Me.I can call it something else on any given day..mental illness, addiction,at some point there is awake up call
that tells me it is that way cause that is part of my life a part of me I must accept
I can choose each and everyday to stay there.and be there or make the choice of something better.I choose something better it will just take awhile for me to call it home.