It is not my plan..But it is my life

It is not my plan... but it is my life.
I am a spirit lead person which means.I personally don't make plans.Goals yes but not plans I am very spontaneous..when the wind blows.I blow..
This can be very upsetting for others.for example My daughters graduation from her college program as a legal assistant on Nov 5th.yesterday was the last day to buy the tickets.I called the the client service rep as I really wanted to postpone it till Monday surely he'll understand,it's raining,Friday night traffic,I have a cold.
Byron the director said indeed this is the last day for tickets it was 4:30pm he leaves at 5:00.Daughter calls quite upset with me as I have known all year.Isn't that why she went to school to graduate.
I made my hubby come home early from work to drive downtown in that chaotic traffic,yelling at him,why does he always take the longest route,can't he go faster
meanwhile traffic,drivers are blocking the intersection clearly we couldn't move
I am yelling at the other drivers calling them idiots for blocking the intersection really who does this..camel drivers.It's Toronto welcome
4:55 call Byron the guy that has the tickets to tell him I am stuck in traffic.
He said he'll wait.I had rushed out of the hotel.with a smocked summer dress,sneakers,a grey flannel jacket..It is October.Got the tickets as he explained how much of a big deal and effort he put into organizing the graduation.
This is a big occasion for my daughter I am very proud of her~
back to the car where he had been waiting for me on Shuter st.The dogs had to pee so I let them walk for bit.
with 1 hour drive back to the hotel on Friday night.
didn't stop there no I had to go to bingo even though I look ridiculous in a dress
in the rain and cold.did that stop me no way.
I said the money has to come from somewhere..I won
wheew being spontaneous is easy for me as things always work..but for others waiting on me and they do like to plan there days and lives..
I realize this..but it works for me.
much love Susan

Nothing ever changes in the hood

Nothing ever changes in the Hood..It's been three weeks that I have visiting the hoods of Toronto,Malvern,Mornelle,Danzig,Regent,Jane & Finch,Glamorgan to name a few.
I grew up in the hood,why have I returned? To see if the anything has changed.
Nothing has after 40 years,people have come and gone,but the basic survival has not.
The part that gets me is the fact of poverty,basic survival is what to eat,smoke and drink.Most of the people in the hoods really don't know anything different.This is the quality of life in the hoods.The music that portrays the hoods in the mainstream
over value the name brand clothes,fancy cars,Ho's are the money makers,everyone hangs with Ho's as to the supply the needs,then there is the Hustler they hustle the drugs,goods,whatever it takes to get the money.Skanks I personally have never liked the skanks they are the free-fuckers that want to be taken care of collecting the cheques with the cheap rent,very petty.most have little or no education.
The Players come in male or female form,usually the hustlers and Ho's you can spot them a mile away,designers outfits,fancy cars and lots of cash.
Players play the game called life with whats is available to them,some work within the mainstream as playing the life as a player means game on!
Win or lose die trying,skills most players have skills utilizing them in all situations.The hood rats are the want a be hood rats the ones that think there jamaican,never been there though the white girls that talk the talk but can't walk the walk.or the youth that think there all that but don't have a pot to piss in.
The swaggard,the style of the hood is about personality the people of the hood are good people just trying to live another day in the hood,basic survival

Change

Change can be difficult..when it involves ourselves..thinking
is just part of the process action is the other.I have been thinking along time about changes..my home,my work,and even people I have been in close contact with over the years.
I have done little about the action part of what I personally want.
over the last week I have made a decision..this very step can propel one into action
deciding what you want to do with today.with yourself.
as you know bipolar has had its grip on me for many years and I had become sort of compliant with it..until I made a decision to fight back.
Now that this a clear for me I am also moving..I had been thinking about this for a months but now the action part.I have endured the last year I can say it was difficult on my part as it involved family and I love them much..but taking on others difficulties teaches them nothing..what it has taught me this year is.we all have a journey called life we learn and grow through the experiences.(hopefully).
as I am embarking on a new phase of my life its called letting go and letting God.

I however have to understand in all things I can't sit back my voice has to speak
today I have done just that.in more ways than one.Change can include people as well
what's best in all circumstance for all involved is the best outcome follow your heart and your instincts..they both know what we need
thanks for reading