Medications ~~~~~Why I have chosen other options

Medication is a topic in the bipolar world,I will start by giving you a little of my experience first and then my thoughts.. I was initially diagnosed 15 years ago,I would take then medications to pull me through usually an anti-depressant when I could not pull it together on my own..however during this time I was also into alcohol and yes took a draw of a blunt
actually a half a quarter per day.mixed with the anti-depressants well I can assure you the whole combination ended me either in hospital or at a withdrawal management facility.I would rather drink and smoke than pop pills any day..however I had attended an A.A meeting with my brother who was the drunk not me..I did everything not to be one as my Father died from alcohol.I didnt drink alone,before noon,or have it affect my functioning, I was a functioning alcoholic.however when my mood where
low as they do happen to get when the booze and party runs out, I would walk into the Dr's office and get the antidepressants.aha in a few weeks I was up again ready to party..but after I sobered up and remained off the alcohol and weed the strangest thing happened..I got more and more depressed withdrawal..I had been using drugs and alcohol so long that I could barely function without it..I would continue with the 12 step progam and my life did improve it took work and decision on my part.the emotional basket case.subsided
leading to by rapid-cycling diagnosis about 5 years ago.even though I thought I was dealing with the booze and drug problem I was still in denial about the bipolar issue
but when I walked into the Dr's office yet again they referred me to a shrink..yep it had progressed to rapid-cycling.I was giving alot of pills over the 3 years of compliance.at one time I was on 10 different drugs just to balance me out.well I never did balance out I was med resistant as the Dr said.after taking these very harmful pills.which I can tell you from my own experience that I did not like the effects at all..weight gain 80lbs,zombie like,shaking,vomiting,but what other options did I have well I could barley roll out of bed,when I did I would sit in my chair so numb dumb,and very alone I could not understand what was going on with me..I had to learn more.so I did alot of research in the years gone by,I meet with the shrink every month,that option is so gone now as they don't really do anything other than prescibe,monitor the moods and that"s about it,my life has been overtaken from the illness as I have taken this aspect far to serious. I am now feeling better than I have in 5 yrs mostly do to walking every day 1 hour my diet, no longer is filled with sugar and carbs..I eat healthy.drink water,yes I do contend with the moods rather other people have to I have have learned that I am not going to medicate myself so I can be more tolerable for others don't like it too bad..see me tomorrow you might like me then,the moods are a part of me on meds or not.its up to me to do what it takes to feel better, be better and acceptance has been a great key to all this a lot of who I am is.I can't or don't want to change these aspects of myself but what I can change, I have changed which has really been a learning experience for me.change never somes easy as sometime we have to admit.who really wants to be honest to admit our faults character flaws or just learned behavior
it hasn't worked is not working so something had to give..mental illness bipolar
gave to me so much more than I think I will ever be able to give back. I am grateful today to share my courage, strength, hope with you, that if your reading this you will find that your not alone and recovery is possible one day at a time
easy does it..Do it..Good

STREET DRUGS VS PRESCRIPTIONS

OK even for me before I started to write this I had to take a few deep breaths and ask keep an open mind as tt is controversial and will continue to be.
my point of of view is from an addict and as a bipolar person who has lived with addiction for all of my life, however have overcome many drugs and bipolar as well and continue with it as it is a life long illness it does not go away.

that being said street drugs and there are many,is a way for the addict and the bipolar to self medicate it helps to reduce feelings,anxiety,gives a sense of calm,reduces the amount of thinking,
way to be social,kind of cool,this is taking be back to 18 yrs ago when I was addicted to cocaine,
pills uppers.so I am thinking of why? it was a lifestyle,for me then,everyone did it,lines but then I graduated to the pipe crack.1000.00 dollar a day habit, initially it startswith smoking cigarettes
alcohol ,pot,hash,uppers,downers
acid,mushrooms,coke,crack,

I was able to stop using drugs and alcohol by the grace of God
it was not an easy road by any means The program of A.A was my support

BIPOLAR
When my bipolar diagnosis came initially I was still drinking and doing street drugs,and adding precriptions to the mix.I was not educated or had my bearings or clear or sound mind
this is not a good cocktail...I would end up in the hospital on at least 3 occasions for this bad combination and finally one day I went to DETOX.
Once I got clean and sober 8yrs later...and 12yrs of non treatment for my BIPOLAR
it hit like a ton of brinks RAPID-CYLING ACUTE BIPOLAR was my diagnosis the doctor was quite serious and very concerned.as he explained to me it is a brain disease YIKES I said to myself he gave me a presciption I left in tears and went home.

the difference this time is I am fighting it the illness as hard as it is fighting me.
this time I took the pills as prescibed and complied with his treatment plans.
the side-effects of medications where awful,I gain weight 40lbs I looked and talked like a zombie,I had terrible shakes my hands,I was not leaving my house as I didn't want people to see me like this.
lucky for me I was med resistant so he took me off them .I just take one tablet now which keeps me calm,with no side-effects and helps me to lose weight which is great,

but with all these side effects in mind was it really any worse than the days gone by of using drugs or alcohol?
many people question medicationthose that are ill. yet they have no problem drinking a six pack or more smoking a few joints,or what ever there drug of choice may be,but when it comes to medication for mental illness or addiction somehow there is a disconnect.