Bipolar nagging like a toothache.

This is a week of DA Bitch as you can see I have been complaining,bitching,just as this bipolar thing is getting the best of me.
Last week I thought I was slipping into depression when I really just had the flu,symptoms are very similar.this week I am Bipolar rapid-cycling and I am cycling as fast as I can.The nagging toothache feels very familiar in bipolar.pain, aches,complaining how things just re not going according to the thoughts in which I vision in my mind.instead suffering solitude cause really I can't stand the sight of myself at the moment nor do I really want others to see me.so I am invisible,I am still awake it's 7:30am.just ordered breakfast,and in search of a new hotel with upgraded luxuries.for example I still have not picked up a winter coat.so I have to go outside to smoke as I am in a non-smoking room.Really why is this as I smoke and it is fucking freezing out there now.My hair is a mess my eyebrows are matching the grey hairs that mix with the blond.I am less than impressed with luxury lurking around the corner.here I sit,agitated and restless.The gnawing of my tooth throbbing in my mouth I did take some Tylenol in hopes to elevate the pain,it does not take effect.As I rest my head in my hands pulling at the roots of my hair.
My brain is going faster than I can type.taking a sip of my coffee which is cooling down.I feel stuck I don't like this feeling.The solutions are many.I opt for this one.Why?to increase my frustration and anger the place which I call home?
Empowering myself,get a coat,book the dentist and change locations so things will work for me not against me.The Bitching will only last for so long till I get tired of listening to myself.then the action will be a result of getting my ass in gear.
although it may happen later,right now I need to sleep.so I'll do just that
Good-morning to you..it is lights out for me
Thanks for coming back please leave a comment I need to be inspired
the invisible bipolar

Working through the emotion

Anger to me has always been a defence mechanism that worked.I loose my cool the trigger goes away..The raging Bipolar in me sends those around me,feeling somewhat defenseless.This anger come from a place of frustration or disappointment usually with people,family,or myself
or someone that just sends me irate which means I have to be watchful of those that I surround myself with ,if you piss me off you are cut off,simple as it seems,I can do this at a drop of a dime.I have tried other techniques,but I do revert to this one always it is what works.I can't candy coat so the other persons feelings are not hurt,If my opinion doesn't count then I stand for nothing.however not everyone want to hear it and that is there choice.Live and Let live I kept saying to myself today.
as the trigger of my anger was my son and his foolish ways..I can't wrap my brain how someone else thinks or lives that is there life.I am not going to do this as a disservice to them or myself.I look through the window into my own future.what do I see.peace and calm it is what I love,but when the triggers call or walk through the door.I learned along time ago.I don't want them so I don't seek them out,they seek me
and when they do the rage in uncontrolable at the time.In writing this post I am working through the emotion.
thanks for reading

In the heat of the moment

In the heat of the moment..it is summer and I love the heat it is my favorite time of year.flowers,sunshine,people are all about,long walks in nature with the dogs,and of course the friskiness that summer seems to bring me..
I at any given moment have also deal with the emotional response to whatever comes my way each day..in the heat of the moment I am like an explosive watchdog that always responds in anger..Hot-tempered Scottish las..as my father would say.
This has always been a part of my character..a part that has and will serve me well
many others don't like the explosive nature and I have learned over time that it is best to stay away from people places and things in which make me raving mad..
for example line-ups at the grocery store..slow people..idiots..rudeness..however
this is always presented to me how can I be tested in such away..everyday the test is on have I really learned to do what it takes to keep my peace..in the stillness
I am calm..once I am approached by anything that's sets me off I am in the heat of the moment..there is no chance for rational thinking and really at that moment I am a
lunatic in high gear..fight or flight response I have never been the type to turn the other way..I face the adversity head on..like a bull in a china shop Mother would say.get out of my way,don't come and bother me cause today is not the day..
in the heat of the moment the impact of the wrath I have for you will be long lasting it will not disappear..especially if you have made it a point to piss me off
and there are people that want to steal your joy..Jealousy maybe..but what it really boils down to is they are miserable in there sad little minute lives with not a hope in hell..of ever getting out..well as for me the only thing I do know for sure is that is your problem not mine..I have choices today..my choice is the heat of the moment to enjoy it, face it and explode..it may scare you but remember one thing don't come and piss me off..and if it is your plan in your day..revenge is so sweet
I always have the last laugh in watching you self distruct...

Honestly Speaking

Honestly speaking...there is alot on my mind the rambling thoughts of Bipolar addiction anger,all rolled into one..I am human,feelings of being overwhelmed..by the simple little disasters that are created in my own head..It is my problem and my own doing stinking thinking..yes I can become so involved in my own destructive ways
my temper..it usually starts with something or someone has PISSED me off..when I get to 10 on a scale there is no chance for me to (((BREATH)) count to 10 or any of the other so called tools that are suggested for a raving maniac..yeah it sound good for you but in this girls wildly hot temper notta...
I have learned over time to isolate..
an effective tool for me a trigger for me is people avoid them and I am cool as a cucumber..except there is the telephone..another trigger I don't like to hear it ring and I certainly don't like that someone is calling me to bother me.they either want something,need something or just having a miserable f&&^^%&* day they need company..I know my attitude should be better but please when I want something I'll call you..that will be never come to be haha..

So being rational was never one of my qualities..problem-solver yes..my solution cut off the damn phones..If that is what it takes..for some well needed relief that is exactly what I will do rational maybe not but please leave me alone...when I ask you not to call..that means don't call don't they get it..aaahhh what insight into myself
they call it isolation and I just love it..peace and quite..serenity on my terms..that is what I call it not at the expence of others..if your going to yammer in my ear..with problems in which you want to find no solution then lose my number..or it will say this number is no longer in service hahaha I'll have the last laugh..I have a zero tolerance policy..no bullshit and if thats all you got..take it elsewhere..I have to deal with me that is difficult on my best days..this beast does not need to be provoked..and when I am happy there is always someone that wants to rain on my parade well enough already...
Taking on challenges is what I am doing that is a work in progress that I have to follow through on..or I'll never be as happy as I can be..life direction,goals,business and my terms with Gods Guidance..are the fruits
which will come to be..today

Open and Honest

Bipolar love
I meet so many incredible people with my work..I can tell you I take it very seriously,maybe to serious..there is a time for everything,right now humour comes about just after my flaming bull rage I had for two days why you ask? just because I think I need a change to change it really just part of the rapid-cycling bipolar,It has occured to me yesterday it is time to move,SO in a fit of rage which classify as bipolar moment or whatever I came to the conclusion I need a big house A million dollars OMG I don't have that much is the reality of it all.But I want it,doesn't really matter how I get it,My husband was kind enough to point out I was being unreasonable..well if I can't get it with him maybe we don't have similar interest was my reply,our relationship is in trouble as we don't communicate I have to yell at the top of my lungs for anyone to hear me!I want my house...so over the next few days I am in search of the new diggs,bigger better time to move on..in the meantime I have starting packing first my suitcase,as if I am going to Hawaii that would probably be just as good,a vacation but reality is I'd have to come back,I really don't care bout the obstacles I might face, anything is possible when your a raging bull and don't dare get in my way..I had to say that no about of medication is going to keep me in the complaint state drug me and ooohh everything is calm and good at who's experience mine screw that my happiness is of most importance my well- being,I will go to all lengths to get and be what I think I should have and be..NOTHING is going to stand in my way not even reality at this point why limit myself,if I am going to think,think BIG...Anger for me has always served me well in life it;s the fire under my ASS.I am pissed at the fact that I am 46 years old and still have yet to be where I want...Only I can make it happen,yes I know all about the journey and not the destination...but I want more than ever the destination aaahhhh I will be able to breath easier to prove my point to myself.close that chapter,and get on with it here I come destiny you have been waiting far to long for my participation HERE I AM all yours...and in the destiny the humour involved is part of the process,enjoy the ride..whheeww cause that part never did come easy,ENJOY