Honestly Speaking

Honestly speaking...there is alot on my mind the rambling thoughts of Bipolar addiction anger,all rolled into one..I am human,feelings of being overwhelmed..by the simple little disasters that are created in my own head..It is my problem and my own doing stinking thinking..yes I can become so involved in my own destructive ways
my temper..it usually starts with something or someone has PISSED me off..when I get to 10 on a scale there is no chance for me to (((BREATH)) count to 10 or any of the other so called tools that are suggested for a raving maniac..yeah it sound good for you but in this girls wildly hot temper notta...
I have learned over time to isolate..
an effective tool for me a trigger for me is people avoid them and I am cool as a cucumber..except there is the telephone..another trigger I don't like to hear it ring and I certainly don't like that someone is calling me to bother me.they either want something,need something or just having a miserable f&&^^%&* day they need company..I know my attitude should be better but please when I want something I'll call you..that will be never come to be haha..

So being rational was never one of my qualities..problem-solver yes..my solution cut off the damn phones..If that is what it takes..for some well needed relief that is exactly what I will do rational maybe not but please leave me alone...when I ask you not to call..that means don't call don't they get it..aaahhh what insight into myself
they call it isolation and I just love it..peace and quite..serenity on my terms..that is what I call it not at the expence of others..if your going to yammer in my ear..with problems in which you want to find no solution then lose my number..or it will say this number is no longer in service hahaha I'll have the last laugh..I have a zero tolerance policy..no bullshit and if thats all you got..take it elsewhere..I have to deal with me that is difficult on my best days..this beast does not need to be provoked..and when I am happy there is always someone that wants to rain on my parade well enough already...
Taking on challenges is what I am doing that is a work in progress that I have to follow through on..or I'll never be as happy as I can be..life direction,goals,business and my terms with Gods Guidance..are the fruits
which will come to be..today

Wellness Challenge

I was having an occupational therapist come to my home,I had tried other forms of therapy.nothing really worked and I needed something to help me connect the dot as I would describe it.I would have trouble with basics like forgetting my belonging when I leave the house locking myself out.needing to do an errand but forgetting the objects or papers I needed in which to do the errand.wanting to make my goals but unable to do them..there was a disconnect which I had never experienced before as I am usually with it and articulate multitasker but during this phase I was unable to even pull it together..and when I could I would get lost on the bus even though I have been there many times before.or forget why I was there.
.
the frustration was mounted by the agitation of being around people which would lead me not able to keep me appointments..or meet my obligations..heighten by the worry of what was happening to me and the horrific side-effects of the medications I really didn't recognize myself anymore.I began to isolate I couldn't handle the situation,my diagnosis.your the reality that this was it I was crazy..cause even to me I was..
I certainly was not the person I once was.
nor will I ever be.they gave my an occupational therapist Julie..I was grateful one on one which was great.she came to my home so I always kept my appointments.she gave me valuable ways to cope,understand,about triggers, symptoms,and how I can respond well this was all new and I was willing to learn as what I was doing was not working
Wellness was soon apon me which I could never see before.now it is possible as I am working and feeling and being better
Wellness however does take work and a lot of work...but I will do the work as wellness is the challenge.