Medications ~~~~~Why I have chosen other options

Medication is a topic in the bipolar world,I will start by giving you a little of my experience first and then my thoughts.. I was initially diagnosed 15 years ago,I would take then medications to pull me through usually an anti-depressant when I could not pull it together on my own..however during this time I was also into alcohol and yes took a draw of a blunt
actually a half a quarter per day.mixed with the anti-depressants well I can assure you the whole combination ended me either in hospital or at a withdrawal management facility.I would rather drink and smoke than pop pills any day..however I had attended an A.A meeting with my brother who was the drunk not me..I did everything not to be one as my Father died from alcohol.I didnt drink alone,before noon,or have it affect my functioning, I was a functioning alcoholic.however when my mood where
low as they do happen to get when the booze and party runs out, I would walk into the Dr's office and get the antidepressants.aha in a few weeks I was up again ready to party..but after I sobered up and remained off the alcohol and weed the strangest thing happened..I got more and more depressed withdrawal..I had been using drugs and alcohol so long that I could barely function without it..I would continue with the 12 step progam and my life did improve it took work and decision on my part.the emotional basket case.subsided
leading to by rapid-cycling diagnosis about 5 years ago.even though I thought I was dealing with the booze and drug problem I was still in denial about the bipolar issue
but when I walked into the Dr's office yet again they referred me to a shrink..yep it had progressed to rapid-cycling.I was giving alot of pills over the 3 years of compliance.at one time I was on 10 different drugs just to balance me out.well I never did balance out I was med resistant as the Dr said.after taking these very harmful pills.which I can tell you from my own experience that I did not like the effects at all..weight gain 80lbs,zombie like,shaking,vomiting,but what other options did I have well I could barley roll out of bed,when I did I would sit in my chair so numb dumb,and very alone I could not understand what was going on with me..I had to learn more.so I did alot of research in the years gone by,I meet with the shrink every month,that option is so gone now as they don't really do anything other than prescibe,monitor the moods and that"s about it,my life has been overtaken from the illness as I have taken this aspect far to serious. I am now feeling better than I have in 5 yrs mostly do to walking every day 1 hour my diet, no longer is filled with sugar and carbs..I eat healthy.drink water,yes I do contend with the moods rather other people have to I have have learned that I am not going to medicate myself so I can be more tolerable for others don't like it too bad..see me tomorrow you might like me then,the moods are a part of me on meds or not.its up to me to do what it takes to feel better, be better and acceptance has been a great key to all this a lot of who I am is.I can't or don't want to change these aspects of myself but what I can change, I have changed which has really been a learning experience for me.change never somes easy as sometime we have to admit.who really wants to be honest to admit our faults character flaws or just learned behavior
it hasn't worked is not working so something had to give..mental illness bipolar
gave to me so much more than I think I will ever be able to give back. I am grateful today to share my courage, strength, hope with you, that if your reading this you will find that your not alone and recovery is possible one day at a time
easy does it..Do it..Good

A Dogs world

It really is a dogs world..Dog gone it
Let us explore how my dogs live I have two miniature dachshunds,Lucy and Luke every since I had the kids leave home they got smart and left by choice..I was told to get
a life so what do I do I get a dog Lucy was the first one we got. when she was 1 month old..and Luke came last year I was shopping for a Christmas gift for Lucy well I found one a mate every one should have one.. Luke he is masculine and so adorable he looks at me and my heart melts.just like on the first day at the breeders..he was mine,well enough of the sentiment let me get back on topic
a dogs world..a dog eat dog world.if you are not the strongest.or the toughest you will get eaten at the dog park..If you don't no how to mingle other dogs will set you straight.dogs get treats for good behavior.at least pat on the back good dog
but what about when the dog is bad..like chewing on my 100.00 shoes or barking at the wind or looking at me with the puppy dog eyes for more treats..jumping in bed with me..Dogs rule and even though they are well trained as I had to put my foot down I couldn't have these two tiny dogs ruling my house.I am alpha dog
the dog has there place in our hearts and home..I would rather have a conversation with the dogs as they listen and never talk back..until they want to play.play time is fun for us all,the walks are partly fun and for exercise but also for training
as every dog must be trained and obedient.for this old dog to learn new tricks is a learning process
I`ll just have to add a few more tricks and treats to my goody bag.WOOF

Gone Twitter crazy---- back in 5 minutes

Ever since I found out about Twitter..I have been tweeting away..like a bird with my feathers a nest of sorts a platform for me to share with an audience my vision
I have been doing the social media circuit ever since I needed a place..I am at home
in the comforts of my creations.writing although I have never had the confidence to share my work with others..since my high school teacher critique my work and said I was to controversial..then in college I tried again with the same report on a subject matter that was very important a thesis's of morals..maybe the teachers didn't get my point and many never do but I am compelled to write about it anyway and at this stage of life I really don't care what others think any more..I have something to share some are with it and some are not my way of thinking is not for all.I accept that but the few I do and can touch that is what really matters isn't it? after all you can't please all the people all of the time? right or wrong I don't care.I am at such a good place right now at home with my love writing..that's what matters midnightmatters.3 am I am writing that's what the gift is all about I share it with you a little bit of me there is so much more to come after I hone my skills.like the book I have in my soul it all a process and It's working cause I am working it on a daily basis so back to twitter I go..the inspiration is knowing we are not alone..that tweeps are people searching for there own answers some have them and some are seeking but tweeters are unique in they lend a helping hand

It is out of my hands

Well it's been a few days still the upbeat mood,the energy is up and I love it that way,except when things are up I can spend myself into oblivion..yeap that's right I gamble..the stakes are high so I go higher..All in is my motto..go big or go home..
now I am home..gees can a girl get a break yes I did 1400.00 break which for 2 days work is not so bad..most would say? It is not what I need or wanted.. little ungrateful maybe..but right now..I am in the hole..It is temporary I know as I can't see beyond that right now..as I have big overhead right now..I must get to work or the ship will sink..is my thinking but I know within time this to will subside..paying the bills arrgg I hate doing this I can't tell you..but they don't care where the money comes from they just want there payments yes Its in the mail usually when I let things slide like the bills..something happens..they get paid..
and the process is slower..but they are getting paid just at a slower pace..I don't like it when things are slow and when I am in a high energy state everything goes slow for this girl..to slow yeah take it twice if it goes so slow..I am going to get myself ready to work next week as I have slacked off long enough..now that all the other things have slowed down the family drama I can get focused on work.finally
seems like the summer is going by very fast.faster than I can reach those goals I have set for myself.timing is everything and my timing is off..the inner clock is anyway
but this girl loves a challenge..when the chips are down I pull through..there down
when I am up this is a good combination..lets get done..stay tune if I pull through as I always do..triumph and victory is mine..Lets do it.

rollercoaster ride

The Hypomania is a sort of rollercoaster ride up,its been a few days now no sleep,the snapping when someone wants to speak,Gosh is that all they do is talk about nothing that keeps me interested..I mean really you open your mouth and my concentration is outta here..not to mention my body got to go..then gambling starts.yeah I love to gamble..I went out last night and won 400.00 not bad for a few
hours.I have cleaned the whole house.and throwing the clutter out,watching that I may need that..ooppss the light comes on a garage sale lets sell everything..It's a good thing I have people watching out for me or I'd be outta of a home too.I want to move to a bigger more spacious house.It only cost 500,000 but whats that to the mania
not to mention I am just short 460,000 ha..It's coming I can feel it.just another 20,000 and the house is mine.In the meantime I have slowed down with work.why not sure and the bills are piling up,not that I am behind but the last spending spree I am still paying for.the energy and calmness I feel during the hypomania stage is mixed up energy,no energy...calm yet irritable,thus I keep quite and to myself..
waiting for the break I need..just waiting which is unusual I know what I need to do.
yet I don't bother..My breakthrough is around the corner today Maybe? tomorrow possibly?but in the meantime I sit here typing away in the hopes that my true love will be useful to you and me that would be writing..It just isn't bringing the monetary gain just yet will it I guess so I work around the clock at this stuff networking,social media,blogging,support groups,website,it is coming together I am just not where I want to be yet? and maybe this is just what I am to be doing at this point of my life..the rewards are small but the gains are huge
thanks for reading

The Switch------It's in the brain

The switch that occurs in my brain..I can feel it occurring I am in tune with my body
as a rapid-cycling Bipolar.Today the switch is on,how do I know this first off the sensation in my brain.a light goes on,lightheaded,thoughts are rolling in and out
what is this switch and why does it occur? Bipolar this is why I have it,there is no denial here my friends..It is very real.The switch to mixed mood,where low and high
is experienced at the same time.also known as hypomania clinical terms..how do I feel
well right now I am changing gears,my body craves carbs and sweets,I want to be alone
yet I cannot seem to sleep..there are the thoughts that continue,I call it my creative force.that compels me to write this experience.when does it happen after my monthly usually.so today is the day.I feel it it is real no one has to explain it to me.nor do I have to run to the doctor as to whats going on.I know and am aware of it.
I do not take medications to see the phases through I experience them as they come.
there is no danger present like some freak at a show,the dullness and excitement as I remain unusually calm..I feel peaceful and calm,the knowledge of knowing and feeling the experience is somewhat beneficial right now..the slight nausea in my stomach,the light headed feeling,the wanting to sleep but can't,the need for speed,
as I precede ever so slowly,hypo mania is the state right now..the plan for today
go with it,breathe,meditate,write, you see as a rapid-cycler the moods don't last long each phase changes very quickly,at this moment,I can be in it not fight it
irritable somewhat but not raging an improvement slightly,keeping a mood journal
is helpful when I can track the moods,then I see the pattern and progress the duration of each mood and what the triggers are,what is the treatment rest..
I can get overstimulated with news,media,computer and TV,life in general..
adding activity today will change the mood..I know what worked for me today.despite the grips of this illness sometimes..moods matter to rapid-cyclers
writing this for insight for both of us

All that really matters

All that really matters is You and the family,friends and what is left behind..
A piece of yourself that people will remember you by,when death is at all of our doors we cannot pre determine when this time will come.but are we ready, are spirits in tact for the end time with God on judgement day are we going to burn in hell or live everlasting life.Many don't believe there is a God I do I have his his touch in my life and others so I am called upon..
In this life God says to be in the world not of the world..with so many Deaths happening I had to write this blog.some famous and some not so famous never really having an input of value to others lives I always thought the good die young..
and many are walking dead..they have no reason to live but to complain about there misery,how life has done them wrong..
All that really matters to me in this life is that my children have become what they should..for there own lives and there children's this impact is so very important it will affect the generations to come,what I want from this life on a personal level
to encourage others that life is worth living and one can start when it really doesn`t seem possible..when all hope is lost..I love to see Gods power and Love in the injustices of life..that all things are possible
Faith has guided me to the impossible and even when I m in my doubts Gods Mercy and Grace is upon me.
We all have the valleys of self doubt..but they are just that self-doubt..
when in doubt my Mother would say do nothing..I could never understand this concept now I do..When we get out of our own small minded ways of understanding then God can really do his work.. Miracles
The miracle called life