A letter to my eldest Grandaughter.

I am writing this letter for you,sometimes we never have the right words to say,but by actions I do trust that you are loved within and by others.Never to be taken advantage of for your kindness or soft spoken nature.Since you came into my life as the eldest grandchild.Your presence has always made an impression on me,that your a part of me,yet an individual of your own with many particular tastes.as your Grandmother I observe your growth both in size and personality.looking for a future that is neither troubled but blessed.A faith that never doubts the abilities that lie within you.To trust your guide and inner feelings.that can only be guided by God.
each moments we spend together we learn a little more about each other.
The greatest gift to me is my Grandaughter.

Two top dogs I am in the middle

Two top dogs,mini dachshund's Lucy and Luke,they are like my body guards come near me they go crazy dog,mad dog,wildly barking at there target,You.
The morning started with the dogs doing just that barking at the sounds at the door,we are at a hotel,everything in sight is strange for them,I got stuck in a non smoking room on the first floor right by the main door,where the cleaning lady has been for most of the day,there where refugees in rooms across the hall.they are gone
5 or 6 to a room is that legal.
so as usual I go for a walk, long walk to the the nearest Tim Horton's tie the dogs to the tree and go get my coffee,with the mad dogs barking outside.It is a daily reminder how I get barking mad with others,loud sounds,intruders as I like to call them.
I tell the dogs stop it,they look at me,as to say why don't they cut the noise.I am just about to ask for another room,but I like the fact the sliding door is on the ground floor to the nicely manicured court yard.It is raining so we can't walk ant longer.I'll probably just open the door and snap.which will promote quite.
It is 3pm.I have made my phone calls,planning the evening,I am going to spend some time with my eldest Granddaughter.she seems to be missing me,I have seen her alot over the past few weeks she likes hanging with Grandma,we have fun tonight we are going to see a movie,dinner,then an evening swim.in the hotel pool.
I am going to take a break from the dogs,have a sitter for them.I really need to get Doggie daycare,someone other than Moi.
aaahhh I can finally hear the quite.
all that walking must have made the doggies tired they are having a nap.I'll slip outside and have a smoke in the rain.I really do love the rain,and my dogs
Thanks for reading.
Susan

I like creme in my coffee

Today I am still burning with desire,and frustration..I have been going against my experiment my spirit is surely feeling it,sometimes people can hold you back from your plans not intentionally just by the mere existence.see I was going to change things up instead I am back where I started and really now I know why my life is the way it is.did I need to be reminded really like I didn't already know better.Thanks to the hood and friends for that extra push I may have needed.the doubt in others I see as if at my age I don't have a clue..REALLY? Do I? Yes I know what I want and don't want but putting it together seems like a steep climb at the moment.I have done it before I'll do it again just smarter..
Don't push me till I'm close to the edge.so I am outta the hood with no return like I said many moons ago.
What a difference environment makes for my Mental Health..
Back to the lap of Luxury aaahhhhhh
even for one day
Thanks for reading stay tuned

Nothing ever changes in the hood

Nothing ever changes in the Hood..It's been three weeks that I have visiting the hoods of Toronto,Malvern,Mornelle,Danzig,Regent,Jane & Finch,Glamorgan to name a few.
I grew up in the hood,why have I returned? To see if the anything has changed.
Nothing has after 40 years,people have come and gone,but the basic survival has not.
The part that gets me is the fact of poverty,basic survival is what to eat,smoke and drink.Most of the people in the hoods really don't know anything different.This is the quality of life in the hoods.The music that portrays the hoods in the mainstream
over value the name brand clothes,fancy cars,Ho's are the money makers,everyone hangs with Ho's as to the supply the needs,then there is the Hustler they hustle the drugs,goods,whatever it takes to get the money.Skanks I personally have never liked the skanks they are the free-fuckers that want to be taken care of collecting the cheques with the cheap rent,very petty.most have little or no education.
The Players come in male or female form,usually the hustlers and Ho's you can spot them a mile away,designers outfits,fancy cars and lots of cash.
Players play the game called life with whats is available to them,some work within the mainstream as playing the life as a player means game on!
Win or lose die trying,skills most players have skills utilizing them in all situations.The hood rats are the want a be hood rats the ones that think there jamaican,never been there though the white girls that talk the talk but can't walk the walk.or the youth that think there all that but don't have a pot to piss in.
The swaggard,the style of the hood is about personality the people of the hood are good people just trying to live another day in the hood,basic survival

Poverty sucks

It seems whenever I am in a low mood,I have no money do the two go hand in hand in makes me wonder,when I am in a high mood the shopping, spending is endless.there is always enough money to suit me.
but right now my mood is low has been for 4 days,and not a penny in sight.so this sucks I know it is temporary as I get money tomorrow,the word budget keeps comming to my attention,one of those words I have never lived by.I have faith that the money is always there,It is not however is this caused by my low mood,or does having no money cause my low mood,or is it the crash from living high for awhile? just a few thoughts mood and money..
Let's talk about Poverty it sucks the big one and even though I have expereinced it several times in my life.I just don't like it,thats why I work and save.
but some have to live it every day,where is the next money coming,baby bonus,government aid,how is the food going to stretch till the end of the month?
what about a single person with no dependants the rents here in Toronto are quite high,unless you live in sub standard housing one could never make it?
Poverty I am sure affects many with Mental Health and Addictions.however it does seem that there is always enough money for the drug of choice.It makes me wonder if this is due to the fact many are really just happy and content with this way of life?
if so why should I be the one to promote change?
Promoting change is that there are alternatives.the alternative to Mental Health and Addictions is life free of all bondage including poverty.
These are my thoughts today.
In the meantime I am getting ready to move on as poverty has never been the norm for me.nor will it ever be.but some can be very happy.or are they?
Thanks for reading till next time Susan

Relocating doesn't mean a thing if you don't know where to go..

Relocating doesn't mean a thing if you don't know where to go..As you all know I am on my experiment a sabbatical of sort from domestic life,responsibilities,family..
I am not even sure why? Do I need a reason.The thought behind the madness was to buy a house,the dream house. I am short 20,000 but will work for it.I have no doubt that I will reach the goal,what I am doubting is the timeline.with summer winding down,the thought of being on the road in winter does not appeal to me,I do have a trip in mind in November to Punta Cana at least it is warm there.right now I have little winter clothes with me,it is cool.I'll exchange my summer gear for winter when I go to my storage unit.My level are low.moods,sleeping, eating,signs of the D word,although we do expect that when the seasons change..There is no sunshine today,
it is dark and gloomy like my mood.
I have noticed the stillness of nothing,it is time to move on..I am restless.
The new job with the Mental health and Addictions panel starts in November
in the meantime I'll try to work next week as this week is very slow just like me.
thanks for reading
Susan xo.

The quite sounds of nothing

It is Monday 4;30 pm I am out on the deck with the laptop,dogs are quietly chewing there bones..After the week-end I spent time with friends and family.I couldn't help but notice how quite it is the subtle sounds of the bees buzzing they are always following.The girls and I went for a night out of gambling.no one hit,but as I was smoking my cigarette a older gut Greek with white hair approached me and my girlfriend he whips out of his pocket a stack of hundreds.then his brother hit a jackpot on the machine I was sitting next to.he felt obliged to show me the money as well a stack of 100.00 bills not just a few.a good 10,000 worth.or more.I can tell you funds are short for me at the moment and it was like I hit the jackpot ching ching.as they walked off I was thinking he even said stop thinking so much.We all went home in the Hurst a black vechel that feels so gangster.a quiet ride home this morning I slept till 1pm unusual late.but I needed the sleep,the afternoon breeze and the bees buzzing kids in the distant background,cars driving by.The stillness of the day will bring surprises by night.anything that comes this week will be a huge surprise.I love surprises how about you?
thanks for reading
Susan xo