About power and control in bipolar

Power and control in this bipolar,there are many factors while I insist on being in control,yet so out of control at the same time,when I can control my circumstances and environment having things in line, are somewhat less chaotic for me.as I ponder the control issues of myself and others,I see that money has been the root,of power and control,when I have the money everything and everyone is within my control.people places and things I am free to engage in my behaviors.
The issue of control as long as things go according to my plan it is smooth sailing for everyone,but how realistic is this when others are involved.
The very thing I love has been taken away for the time being as I have no money today.
humbled by the mere fact,of having to ask the Hotel Manager a cute as pie south african, if I could pay for my suite tomorrow I was up all night how to get out of asking I really hate asking or being humbled in this way.I always pay whats due.This not being able to is in part of financial fumbling and living way beyond what is coming in.engaging in a spending spree that at the moment I can't possible keep up with or can I we will soon see.
But for today I am here at the hotel,humbled,asking for help is harder than giving the help thats for sure.recieving help is making me question my abilities,and my resources at this present time.
Power over my own life comes from one place in my heart God,The realization that money
is about the control.
I'm able to see the difference today
There is only one thing I can control and with Bipolar this gets tougher and tougher
is my actions.It really does take a daily effort to keep the Bipolar dragon at bay.
Accepting the facts of my reality is the hardest truth.
like it or not I am out of control.God is in control take over I can't be bothered any more
Thanks for listening comments are appreciated

Thankful Thursday

Somedays it easier than others to count our blessings,usually it is Thankful Thursday. Today is the day,I will count my blessings
1) I have warm clothes that I finally got from my storage unit while I was there I grabbed my bible,I am warmer and stronger for that.
2)I am thankful for God that works through me and in me as I am here today as a result of his mercy and grace.
3) I am in a beautiful hotel suite for another day hopefully,as I really really like it.
4) I am getting over the worst of the flu bug I am thankful for that.
5) I am thankful for the rest I am about to receive.
Gratitude will change your attitude..
What are you Thankful for this Thursday?

Having faith is easy when you got it like that..but when ya don't.Yikes

Faith is easy when you got it like that but when ya don't,worry sets in.
As you know I am doing an experiment about Faith and direction,living in a hotel can get rather expensive with other daily needs,and I am sick so work is not happening.
Everything I do at the moment seems to just go wrong,where the lady luck or the faith must be busy else where as it is just not happening Today?
I must pay the room by 1;00 pm tomorrow not a cent in sight till Friday,so what will I do come tomorrow,I guess I'll have to wait till tomorrow?yikes
I went to the Delta Hotel to see if I could make a buck,no such luck seems no ones was at that the bar,we all have down times,I guess this is my turn.
I can tell you right at the moment I don't like it..but for today I am OK.
just feeling some self-doubt did I make the right move I guess I'll see soon enough
in the meantime,I'll keep the faith and get some sleep tomorrow will take care of itself.just as today did
Good-night
if you want to help a sister out call me 905-783-9401 120.00 will pay the room it is all I need for tomorrow thanks or e-mail me susansedgemore@sympatico.ca
here's to us

In the darkest hours

It is 3;00 pm in the darkness of clouds and cold weather,with a cold.the stillness allows for me to write which is fine.I slept till about 11;00 when maid service asked if I needed anything,I said yes today as the suite needed to be cleaned,and fresh linens after all I am sick.The thought of the germs in the air is not pleasant,she came to the door with mask.Left me thinking about HI NI the swine flu,after vomiting through the night and early morning,I had checked to see if the symptoms are similar sure enough they are.It brought me into a frenzy and panic mode.
However I lived through the night,and woke again this morning to live another day.
I walked the dogs in the rain as the suite was being cleaned.Lucy doesn't like the rain or cold and left me standing there with the leash in hand.She was gone,calling out for her,I walked towards the suite she was inside already the suite is on the first floor of the hotel. I left the door open I get back to her looking up at me as to say,It is to cold for this doggie.Then I went to ordered soup from room service,
as I was doing this my other dog Luke like being on the desk at the computer as if he has typing skills and something to say.The dogs are napping now.Lucy curled up in the chair next to me a Luke is guarding the door.
as for me I am nursing the cold with fluids and rest.thinking I really need to get the clothes out of storage,like it or not the weather is changing,I need to keep warm.did I think that this summer would last through till October.
The concern for the day,with being sick,and living in the hotel how am I going to keep this up? as long as it last I guess.till tomorrow? yikes
send cash or e-mail if you want to help in my experiment
Thanks ain't to proud to ask

A distant day

When things seem to all go wrong,this morning I woke up with a cold,probably from sitting in the cold weather with not much clothes on,walking the dogs in the rain,last night thought in was all in my head..and it is a head cold,sneezing,sniffles,snoozing.
The distant day is when I move into my home,the one I am buying at this present moment it seems like a distant day,things just are not going according to my plan.
I had planned to work this week with hopes to get the ball rolling,I went to pay for the advertising,but they had moved there location so now I have to wait till Thursday.everything is on hold.while i nurse this cold.see timing is everything in Gods time not mine.So I had a talk with God the way I want things,in a quite whisper
I heard patience,not my forte.I want it now.
as I look around at the quite serene atmosphere of the hotel,the darkness of the clouds will bring more rain,the wind is blowing the trees around.even the dogs didn't want to stay out with me while I smoke.why am I sitting outside having a smoke
anyways?I could change to a smoking room but that's not good for the dogs.
The room is a mess as I slept in till 1:00 with a Do not disturb sign on the door.
so I did not receive maid service today.She did call me when I went next door to get my coffee,asked if I needed anything? I am OK for today was my reply.
Really am I OK,with not working and my lavish lifestyle,the funds are running low.
I need to make money that's what I really need.To make it through today,and to that distant day.

The weather affects moods in Bipolar

There are many things that can trigger moods in Bipolar,just like the weather one minutes the sun is shining on me I feel great,The rain makes me want to walk or get out..I love the rain,the cold and shorter days trigger in me depression,all I want to do is cuddle up in bed with the blankets and fluffy pillows.sleep is so wonderful when its cold outside.dreaming of all the wonderful places.I could be,in fact I live in Toronto Canada.It really is not suitable for Bipolar,summer is great but the winters are long and cold in fact I feel a cold coming on,sniffles,sneezing,snoozing.
with the move I did indeed pack everything,including clothes.how can you tell I am Bipolar well I packed everything insight,did I think I was going to a sunny nudist beach,where no clothes are needed,or did I think I could afford a new wardrobe,with money being tight with my extravagances,I do have some stuff that is in the trunk that needs to be laundered,summer stuff.hopefully it doesn't snow anytime time soon.
I'll be the naked Canadian,a cold one from down under.I'd rather go shopping than dig into my unorganized storage unit for my winter clothes whats left,I should say I gave a lot away to goodwill at least they'll be warm.
Just remember I'll be under the blankets naked as I can't stand sleeping in anything else.dreaming of better days
Have a nice sleep
Susan

A letter to my eldest Grandaughter.

I am writing this letter for you,sometimes we never have the right words to say,but by actions I do trust that you are loved within and by others.Never to be taken advantage of for your kindness or soft spoken nature.Since you came into my life as the eldest grandchild.Your presence has always made an impression on me,that your a part of me,yet an individual of your own with many particular tastes.as your Grandmother I observe your growth both in size and personality.looking for a future that is neither troubled but blessed.A faith that never doubts the abilities that lie within you.To trust your guide and inner feelings.that can only be guided by God.
each moments we spend together we learn a little more about each other.
The greatest gift to me is my Grandaughter.