Technical difficulites with the blog or the Bipolar Brain

This bipolar brain has completely screwed up my blog,I was going to add color and make it visually more interesting. I have ruined the look of my blog,this has made me rather irritated with myself as I have learned to do computer stuff trial and error so my technical skills are limited,however am eager always to push ahead with the learning process.after hours of trying to figure out what I did wrong in the process I came to no conclusion yet,after a goodnight sleep and a rest this bipolar brain I can tackle it again,but I won't I will leave it for the time being till I find a better quality solutions,word press maybe?website? there are a few solutions I would prefer someone else coming up with a design or branding for me.that would be the easier softer way.but this bipolar likes to do everything the hard way.I love the challenge so when I am up to it i will add it to my growing list of things to do.
Thanks for reading

Bipolar vs PMS

Bipolar vs PMS,readers will know I have been bitching all week,about everything.
what do you know my monthly came today.bloody relief,however it is 2 weeks early according to plan.My better half kept saying it was PMS.obviously he was right.It is his excuse for me being completely out of my mind.He laughed when I told him he said that he should write a novel on the topic.I yelled screamed,punched him told him I hated him,at that very moment I did.

Bipolar and PMS have similar traits,Moods fluctuate in 65% of women according to a study.with my monthly coming sooner the moods have been all over the place up down all around,within minutes..I was thinking to myself today the medications would at least take away this feeling,or the cycles would be shorter and longer.I will have to discuss this with the doctor.depending on how long these moods last and fluctuate.
hopefully it will just pass,and stability will return.With winter upon us sunshine is
not available days are dark gloomy and cold.like me.I sleep alot more during the days
up,all night which indicates to me,I am in mixed state hyper and depressed at the same time,to depression.occurring rapidly.

Bipolar features include agitation,anger,isolation,spending money,feelings of failure
over thinking,wanting to get things done but unable to follow though
The 7 day cycle,brings its own features cramps,low energy,tired,bleeding like a slaughter pig,bloating,irrational thinking.

Everything seems to overwhelming the response is fight or flight.
I can tell you the flight option is appealing leaving on that jet plane to hotter destinations,climates.

There is one problem I will have to get there.

Thanks for coming back xo

Bipolar nagging like a toothache.

This is a week of DA Bitch as you can see I have been complaining,bitching,just as this bipolar thing is getting the best of me.
Last week I thought I was slipping into depression when I really just had the flu,symptoms are very similar.this week I am Bipolar rapid-cycling and I am cycling as fast as I can.The nagging toothache feels very familiar in bipolar.pain, aches,complaining how things just re not going according to the thoughts in which I vision in my mind.instead suffering solitude cause really I can't stand the sight of myself at the moment nor do I really want others to see me.so I am invisible,I am still awake it's 7:30am.just ordered breakfast,and in search of a new hotel with upgraded luxuries.for example I still have not picked up a winter coat.so I have to go outside to smoke as I am in a non-smoking room.Really why is this as I smoke and it is fucking freezing out there now.My hair is a mess my eyebrows are matching the grey hairs that mix with the blond.I am less than impressed with luxury lurking around the corner.here I sit,agitated and restless.The gnawing of my tooth throbbing in my mouth I did take some Tylenol in hopes to elevate the pain,it does not take effect.As I rest my head in my hands pulling at the roots of my hair.
My brain is going faster than I can type.taking a sip of my coffee which is cooling down.I feel stuck I don't like this feeling.The solutions are many.I opt for this one.Why?to increase my frustration and anger the place which I call home?
Empowering myself,get a coat,book the dentist and change locations so things will work for me not against me.The Bitching will only last for so long till I get tired of listening to myself.then the action will be a result of getting my ass in gear.
although it may happen later,right now I need to sleep.so I'll do just that
Good-morning to you..it is lights out for me
Thanks for coming back please leave a comment I need to be inspired
the invisible bipolar

Invisible in Bipolar

Days like today and days gone by I feel invisible usually when nothing special is going on,or my appearance is less than provocative.Does not matter how much I rant and rave attention is just not coming my way,as a women I do love being the center of attention.People smile,walking by but engaging is done on my part,I have not been caring or making the effort.It is like I have put up the wall.and I am invisible.
Do I exist here in blog world,twitter,face book,or even in my reality.
For the most part the past two weeks I have been with the dogs,at the hotel.I have not included a social life,which is very important part of my well being.quite frankly. all that has gone on this year,the time to myself is valued.could it be that some resentments are keeping me isolated.quite possible..Time does heal.
Feelings get hurt,mine included..I have some upcoming engagements that will take care of this lack of social.until then I'll keep to myself, mind my business.
let others take care of their own..I will also take my grandson for his one on one this week-end.I am missing the family.hope its true absence makes the heart grow fonder.
It is difficult when your family is your life,they've gone on living for there family
oh my how things truly do change,I'll just have to adjust making changes,keeping up the appearances
Thanks for dropping by

Ok not everything is because of Bipolar

OK not everything is because of bipolar.I am Scottish with a strong will and character.have you ever seen Brave heart.the Scots won the war with might and their bare hands.Thank-you
The fight is on with myself and everyone that comes into my territory.yes I am a BITCH a heartless one at that!!!
Life teaches you this.If I didn't bitch how in the hell would anything get done.
The day started very early 8;45 to be exact as you know at midnight matters,this is prime sleeping time for the Queen BITCH,the dogs from the neighbourhood at the hotel decided to come to the sliding doors and irritate Lucy and Luke,well Luke has my personality does not like other dogs and all hell broke loose.I draw the curtains to see what the hell was going on the owner of these canine thought it was funny.I was less than impressed with the sun glaring in my eyes.I walked the dogs to clear the path of least resistance all doggies fled to there proper places.as did there owners.
Not friendly,yeah not when your barking up the wrong tree asshole.
When when whats his face gets back from who knows where.He wants to go get the dogs new winter gear.sounds like fun.WRONG,I have to stop at several stores to get the right coats,try them on and off,different styles as mad dog see other dogs he goes wild dog gone wild..Mister asshole as he is otherwise called decides,uumm lets look at everything else in the store but what we came for.My level of tolerance is -20 at this point,I just want to get the goods and get the hell out of there.NOPE,NOTTA
new leashes,collars,coats,sweaters,oh and matching shit picker upper bags.
The dogs look better than we do,I still do not have a winter coat.the bill a whopping $240.00.with my less than dress to impress self.the fancy dogs,and whats his face we get back to the car.The screaming match begins.with me doing all the scream he tries to protect himself with a less than impressive argument.Please shut-up or make your point and it better be a valid one.Next stop wall-mart.this time I go by myself.ah it is not busy,so I fill the cart with,more doggie stuff toys,a bed,
bones,I get myself a $25,00 fleece track suit,That's right at walmart,I am styling now
since I threw out my bras I really must stop throwing my things out.I need a bra.
these puppies are not standing straight.Bags in hand I set off the alarm.she checks the receipt off to the car get in.He opens his mouth and says WHY DID YOU BUY A DOG BED..well those are the last words out of his mouth it set me off as an fire alarm.he has been bugging me for a new dog bed every time we go to walmart.so I get one.pretty nice yeah.WRONG again.I just lost my mind and temper..way beyond controllable.I changed my clothes in the car,yes in the car.we stop at Tim Horton's,I toss my old pants that had a hole in them in the garbage.get smokes quick before I must deliver
him back to his MOTHER.or a body bag whichever comes first.
ok so we walk the dogs at the park.I am continuing to yell and tell him he is an IDIOT
well should be end of story wright.WRONG again.now the dogs are barking mad,I am yelling,and he is still trying to explain,explain what exactly why your fucking pissing me off.oh his answer. must be PMS time again.Last straw buddy.drop me off at bingo.do not speak an.aahh but I was shaking like a loon I was so angry.
it took the whole session of bingo to calm and a beer at the bar finally.
I get back to the hotel,ready to get a bath,with bubbles he left the bags in the car after he said he had taken everything out of the car.so If I am half nuts exactly what does that make you.
It is 5am I am all fired up like a raging wildfire.sometimes the fire of BITCH is the
only thing that matters.
Thanks for reading keep coming back
comments not needed

Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer.

I set goals but I fly by the skin of my chinny chin chin,It gives a feeling of accomplishment when I reach the goal,however with a full life like mine coming up with new things to do and creative ways to do them,with enjoyment seems to be the harder task.
rather than making decisions by flipping the coin,yes this is how I make every decision,in my life.flip the coin three times if it says heads up I proceed,if I get a tales I proceed with caution,three tales do not even go there.
I talk about connecting the dots.Its not the journey so much for me but the destination.details bore the hell out of me.
but one must know where they re headed at least what direction.would be suitable.
up,ahead,but at my age 46 I really don't like the picture my mind paints so I live in the moment.My girlfriend always said but what if you do wake up in the morning Susan..
Goals for the week
I tend to write them on paper and look at them cross them off as I get it done.
when I was manic I made a list of 30 things,my daughter said it was unrealistic.
I should shorten the list.however I did get it done!
I have since learned that a list of 5 things to do is easy, less stress and no pressure.which for this bipolar is the whole reason for the experiment.I really need another name for it but for now that is what I am calling.
Faith journey hhmm? liking the sound of that!
here's the list bipolar love to list things I do anyway a way compartmentalize my life.

1) get a winter coat....I gave mine all away

2) Prepare for my daughter graduation....I have started got the tickets and Limo
I have to take her for her dress.

3) Change hotels.......I want more luxuries

4) swimming instead .....of walking in the cold

5) one on ones with grandson...It is his turn

6) plan a vacation....Hot spot last minute Nov 7th all inclusive for 1 week

have to stop here....

Five ways to know your up...

Five ways to know your up!
1)When money is flowing I am up.
2)little or no need for sleep.
3)self-medicate with your vices ie shopping gambling,drinking,drugs,sex
4)keeping up appearances
5)socializing

Since Friday,I am feeling better.wheew I really thought I was headed for a depression but in fact I had the flu which will make one feel lousy,so if you haven`t had it yet,beware its nasty.

The week-end was filled with all my favorites,money,shopping,gambling.so to me that's fun,I skipped the whole Thanksgiving thing with the family I can tell you I did not miss the stress nor the calories.
I finally found a way to overcome the laundry task
rather than disposable clothes.I opted for a laudry service.I was going to do it myself.I really didn`t want to so I asked the local laundry mat if they have a wash and fold service,with two big garbage bags the lady put it on the scale, I paid $35:00,this was money well spent,I no longer have the stress of doing the laundry.
all the benefits of fresh clean clothes,and folded nicely.aahh perfect solution for a troubling laundry situation.for me anyways.
It gave me time to shop.which I needed some warm winter clothes.
This life I can get used to.it suits my lifestyle...
As the new weeks starts,I look forward to it as I am up,living the moments that are mine.
Enjoy your moments xo
Susan comments are welcomed