Manic Mondays

Manic Mondays..Normally Mondays are hectic as I have done my list of things to do.
This week is different I didn't make the list as I am going to do things instead.
I make the list,look at it put it away some things get checked and some remain on the to do list.The list this week will be things I have done a different approach
This morning started early 6am,rumbling around,I so wanted to go back to bed which is
exactly what I did till noon,aahh much better woke up,had a cup of decaf,then went for smokes,the day is sunny and mild,but from indoors it looked cold and dark.
The dogs and I did our hour walk with a stop for a bite to eat.Traffic was motoring
got a few numbers along the way,got back to the hotel the manager asked if I wanted to change suites for the same price.sounds good to me,and the dogs are happier they now have a view,they made me laugh now they are very particular about hotel suites,
Luke checking things out,sitting in the window,as if he is king,then on the desk,while I went to get a drink,he and Lucy are taking a nap.the life
I made a few calls,getting ready for a productive week as the focus is bring and stashing the cash with six weeks till Christmas..normally I am Santa.
The fat guy with white beard and red outfit..never comes round here.
The other focus is going to be my appearance it has been on the list for awhile
This week I will get it done.
hopefully
It's 7pm I thought I'd fill you in on what happened today..
well I had a nap,dinner,bath and ready for bed yet again I'll watch some t.v
The nights just keep getting longer as winter approaches.
Thanks for reading
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In the downtime

After the excitement of my daughter graduating,the anticipation leading up to it.
I was in high gear..In the downtime.I have been very busy with myself.however that downtime means functions,or stride.now what,I have totally blown the cash flow yet again! I always think of that rainy day when it's raining.
I know I am off to a slow start to the week.what a difference a day can make.
I read an article today grandma's on facebook.It caught my attention cause I am a grandma.the article suggest that grandma has found herself staring at the computer and grandpa is left to find his own meals..did this hit home with me.
I will try to get a few very necessary things done this week.just a day or two can throw things out of whack.
it is 1:10am I need to sleep so I can wake up early to address the money situation.
I have missed the dogs as well.they are with my daughter for a few days.hopefully it doesn't last to long.I am sure they miss me!
thanks for reading

A Proud Occasion

My youngest daughter is graduating from her law program tonight with honors.I can tell you leading up to the moments have been stressful as I so want her to know that I am very proud of her accomplishments.It seems this hard to please young woman is making her way in life.She was working for a family lawyer,while she was going to school,she is 26 and became pregnant with her first child.
after spending a evening of spoiling my better half,it was his birthday.I was being nice,he said I know it's my birthday I guess I'll go back to being an idiot tomorrow I thought it was so funny,I don't always show or appreciate my loved ones.but they really do mean the world to me.I just can't be around them all the time.This is part of Bipolar illness.
I know my limits and I work within in them,tonight the whole family will gather to watch her graduate,hopefully I can stay in the moment,to make it special for all
Thanks for reading..Wish me luck!

I laughed I Cried.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster.I did the usual feel good things,yet raw emotions still lingered.laughter,tears,a softness within my heart,that seems to be penetrating to my soul.I heard a quote tears are raindrops that words can't express.
I also found the benefits of a mood disorder...I can do whatever I am in the mood for.I went to the the grocery store,I need more vegetables,I bought a head of cabbage,onion,spinach,fried it up and voila a tasty meal.I was hungry.Then I saw a preview for Julie/Julia,finally got to watch the movie and the timing ws right on.it was funny,made me laugh and cry.Somehow it all makes sense to me now? We may never know what lies ahead,even with goals and deadlines,it's the passing of time in what keeps us alive.Some fill there days cause they have nothing to do? Some work to fill there hearts,or pockets.but at the end of today,I shared abit of myself and in turn others opened up.That's what it's all about!

Chance or Choice

After a morning of pampering,hair,waxing,manicure/pedicure.I got back to the hotel
feeling refreshed,those feelings of being beaten down or what's the point have vanished.Although I am still and quite within,this spiritual warfare.all I can say is yes it was triggered but I have to deal with, the way it makes me feel.Things I did
1) read my bible
2) prayed for them and myself
3) rested
4)expressed my feelings
5)pampered myself

I turned on the computer,and was reminded by the death of a bipolar friend,that some don't get that chance or choice,how valuable life and living are,that my primary purpose is to carry the message to those that still suffer.That I must keep on keeping on.I may not see it or feel it at times,that I still have my own things to work through,that my judgements on others have no place in my heart.That my spirituality,just like my mental and physical health depends on my conditioning.
Those days when I feel like throwing in the towel,or why even bother to get out of bed.I am reminded today.I have a chance and a choice.In memory of those that did not.
Thank-you for making my day!

Next disconnect my cell phone?

This day I woke up at noon very late,as a trigger from family members,has sent me feeling pissed off,that they have the nerve to mess with my mojo,I go out of my way to show them love and they in turn want to argue fuss and fight,however this time was different I did not fight,I listened and gave some insight to there feelings,hm this is quite different approach for me.after a good nights sleep,I really did not want to face the day,but here it goes..Still resentful to others I am.It makes me think where is this coming from? Could family members really not like the fact I am living and happy? Doing things the way I like it for a change,not people pleasing.
AAhh the Doctor did say they may not like it as they have become use to my people pleasing putting others first.Interesting but in such a mean fashion.
Live and let live in AA.this does include myself maybe they need a program of recovery? I cannot keep making amends,or getting manipulated cause they think I owe them something.I have been given one life,mine.Today all that matters is that I live each day to the best of my ability for today!
As I sort through my own feeling on the issue,I will disconnect my cell phone,so members of the family cannot contact me whenever they feel to make demands,expectations,or just having a bad day.I am not the one to save all others.
or the world knowledge bank.
We all have work to do,on our quality of living,I just have to take into account some are happy with the way,and standard of life, regardless of what or how I feel?
I have a higher standand for myself and cannot impose that on others.
Many would like to walk in my footsteps.but can't, they are not wearing my shoes.The trigger has put me into a bit of slump.One thing that is good is the awareness that it happened.I called the phone company,asked to change the phone number the friendly gent asked of I had a number in mind,two came 1-800-Pay-me or 1-800 don't call.
He laughed and said he could do it now,wonderful..I have a private number in which no one gets this exclusive number.not even my better half..children,or family.
Works for me!

Joy takers.Family& friends

I was enjoying my own company,when I thought I would entertain some family members,
The problem is many of them get jealous and seem to be more miserable when I am living and happy making there judgements,accusations,and character attacks.
I have been doing really good as we know living my life the way I see fit,it may not be suitable for others and to tell you the truth I couldn't care less.It suits me fine and really that's all that matters.I had put away some cash I was ahead of the game these family triggers made me blow a load of cash.I'll make it back and they can
F%^^&***( right off.with there demanding and argumentative ways.I am in for the fight
just not with others.it takes my peace and joy.I work to hard for that.
They need me I don't need them.To bad so sad.It will be a long time before they see me again.Thanks for letting me get this out
Comments are welcomed