Working through the emotion

Anger to me has always been a defence mechanism that worked.I loose my cool the trigger goes away..The raging Bipolar in me sends those around me,feeling somewhat defenseless.This anger come from a place of frustration or disappointment usually with people,family,or myself
or someone that just sends me irate which means I have to be watchful of those that I surround myself with ,if you piss me off you are cut off,simple as it seems,I can do this at a drop of a dime.I have tried other techniques,but I do revert to this one always it is what works.I can't candy coat so the other persons feelings are not hurt,If my opinion doesn't count then I stand for nothing.however not everyone want to hear it and that is there choice.Live and Let live I kept saying to myself today.
as the trigger of my anger was my son and his foolish ways..I can't wrap my brain how someone else thinks or lives that is there life.I am not going to do this as a disservice to them or myself.I look through the window into my own future.what do I see.peace and calm it is what I love,but when the triggers call or walk through the door.I learned along time ago.I don't want them so I don't seek them out,they seek me
and when they do the rage in uncontrolable at the time.In writing this post I am working through the emotion.
thanks for reading

The humerous side of Bipolar when I am Manic,If I was depressed I'd be crying

Bipolar and manic to me is,having to clear out my house,usually I just move the furniture around at 3 or 4 in the morning,but not this time. I cleared everything out into storage unit.I was supposed to move but I am now sitting in an empty house,Now if I was depressed I would probably be sad,however I am happy as I unloaded each load of my personal belonging,gave away most of the furniture to goodwill,this bipolar does stuff like, give away my stuff to get new stuff.
Like yesterday I spent the day in Port Credit,which is such a beautiful lake front community with restaurants,stores,markets,parks,all within walking distance.fancy this and fancy that.suitable for my manic tendencies(laughing while I am writing this)
I also enjoy photography the scenery shots are spectacular,however I noticed every picture with my hubby in,he does not look to happy about this rather expensive endeavor.I found an Apartment hotel,perfect just move in and voila.no work involved
there is only one minor detail I have 2 dogs that are a valued part of my life.before two weeks are up I have to find a solution for this..Even on the ride home..I was on the brink of irritation as know one is going to stop me,I am on it
If I am going to live this Bipolar life May as well live it in style.
see he works hard for his money.I spend it as fast as it comes.not to mention
I gamble,take risks.sometimes the odds are in my favor sometime they are not.
I would not recommend this lifestyle for most,but it does work for me.
I also think that bipolar tendencies depends on how much cash is on hand,I try not to pull out the credit any more as this can be disaster play now pay later.concept has proven not to work for me.Its all about the game,a game requires participation.
Game of Life..I actually flip a coin if I have a decision to make.three times if it comes up heads I can proceed.Yesterday I wanted to go out early as I still had not slept from the night before.wanted to go to Port Credit,but hubby and son where still sleeping it was six in the morning after trying my hardest to get them up and at it.they needed there sleep.I went to bingo after flipping the coin.the thought process is should I or should I not.I went, after winning some cash 1,000 I was glad I did.We did make to to Port Credit enjoyed the 2 hour walk and dinner that cost 200.00.came home to my empty house went to sleep.another day in the mania.
In the manic the mood is lifted,fast talking,fast moving most can't keep up with me.
the decreased need for sleep,increase in appetite,spending money,are signs of mania
I love it,but the doctor does not..isn't it better than the other pole depression

Wonder how the Doc is going to like it when I see him tomorrow wish me Luck

BPD in OKC: Revealing myself - 1,000th blog post

BPD in OKC: Revealing myself - 1,000th blog post

Cooking..they say will sell books

Cooking they say will sell books as it has done for Julia Child's.In reading about the craze of Julia&Julie.it brought me to the point of inspired yes but remember I gave up on the cooking part.The only thing cooking ever really gave me was wider hips, loads of dishes and people that could keep quite long enough to eat there meals which is really the benefits of feeding people for me.It keeps them quite.long enough to figure out what is for dessert a few more minutes of silence whew.

That being said My experiment my solace from house duties thus far.Right now I am hungry and there not a stitch of food in the cupboards or fridge so as I pondered what to eat,out of boredom really and trying to kill some time I said to myself fasting is good.closed the door to the fridge and had some water aahhh.

Refreshing to say the least it is 9:15 am.waiting for my girlfriends to come by around noon at which time we will go out for lunch,a salad,with salmon is what is on my mind.

Eating healthier is a challenge when one is not cooking the meals,veggies on the go
somehow doesn't sound so appealing,Tim Horton's has been getting a little to much business from in the last few days I love the coffee oh I really do,but it puts me off kilter inside and out.

So for some in writing there cook books makes them rich and famous,and gives them something to do.Women are not to be undervalued just because they can cook you a meal
shhhh keep quite

Celebrating my life,Today is my 46th Birthday

Ok so it's my birthday,not just any birthday a celebration of my life.who every thought I'd make it thus far,Not me

In getting an early start to the celebrations.I did an overview of my life,a sort of gratitude reminder of how lucky I am to be me.I have a wonderful family,a great many friends,and most important to me is my life and my experience that in turn help others.

Like today,I was able to help 4 people with alcohol problems,which in turn makes me question living as an adult of an alcoholic parent.My father to whom is long gone now but lives everyday through me and our family.see he did not have a choice with his illness and I do.just in that precious gift alone it is amazing.

To have the gift of my life and experience to share with others..Is so rewarding,however I must always remember in my celebration,there are others that still suffer.

that is the path for most the suffering but once you can accept,and release all in life is promised.

It is not in the achievement or reaching the goals so much but those that walk with you along the way,seeing them grow and flourish.and being a part of it.

This is really the ultimate I have ever seen.the love that exists through me and in me is from God. as I could never take the credit..

So at the end of this day I share a little bit of me along the way..
so that it inspires something in you to grow and make that change
One thing I have learned is never settle for what you think your worthy of
as what you think is far short of what your worthy of

Thanks Happy Birthday to me
Cheers to us!

Some days are better than others

Some days are better than others..
Today being not one of them, not for any reason my head just tells me so,the day started after another all niter,I was tired and needed to sleep at 11am but the dogs where restless and the guys downstairs where doing some work the dogs kept barking I finally went to sleep,then my neighbour knocked at the door,to see if I was alright quite unusual as he has never done this before.I was half asleep said I was fine however he did looked concerned which left me thinking as I hit my pillow I'm I really OK,with the move still have yet to go physically as I am now in an empty house.never mind I said I am OK but for me to sleep at noon is a sign I went to sleep till 10pm.I then went out with the dogs got a bite to eat,which brought another question to mind? I have been off my healthy program for 4 days.I did manage my 1 hour walk at midnight.hhmm I am off kilter it is a sign I came home then had a bath soaking in the tub and meditating.
pure bliss.I thought I just needed to rest,be still and quiet.some days are better than others after quiet contemplation.the peace within is making be very calm.in a
somewhat situation.but the rest is needed at times like these
Thanks for reading

BPD in OKC: Bringing bipolar into the light

BPD in OKC: Bringing bipolar into the light