When in doubt..... Write

When in doubt write.I use to use pen and paper stick it in a box for no one else to see,now I blog visible for many to see. Just as your reading this.I wonder do you get anything I am trying to say? What is the point is really the question I am asking
Initially I thought I would write about my experience in hopes that others would do the same? as I am on information over load right now with all the information on Mental Health and Addictions.everyone has a story to tell.sharing the experience.
Really the whole point of my on-line work was a starting point for my own personal development through my illness.It worked.well into wellness now,I seem to be having some personal doubts if this is true?
I am still sitting in an empty apartment with nothing but my laptop,mattress and two dogs.living vicariously through the Internet.
I was suppose to move with all good intentions I am still here.It has been a place that while during my illness I felt safe,quite and peaceful.with nothing but my thoughts locked behind the bedroom door.I was very comfortable in this place of torment.I didn't have to really do much other than,pull out the laptop and do my thing.research,learn,and put my health mental,physical,spiritual as my main priority and focus.
as I close this chapter,It has been both comforting and rewarding.I must get on with the next as I sit here writing I am somewhat reluctant,only for the simple step of
making that move of putting my life in motion.
The rewards will be far greater than even I will ever imagine.
Just by stepping into my own life.
A different way of life
As I close the door tightly shut behind me once last time.

My first day on the Mental Health&Addiction Advisory board

It is 8;00 in the morning,after a good nights sleep.at least something is back on track my sleeping pattern. I am well rested after the excitement of a new Grandson,my daughter finished her legal assistant program at college all proud moments for me.
When my family is doing good everything is ok in my world.
Today is my first day on the Mental Health Advisory panel,at the hospital.The overview during the initial interview was the language used to refer to individuals or groups with Mental Health and Addictions even they are confused what to call us the so called Professionals are wondering what to call us? What? wondering do I feel comfortable, politically correct.all I kept thinking is call it what it is.
The women Anne seemed very informative and eager about the panel they have been at it since 2006,of a group of professional Doctors,Social workers,nurses,community interested people and consumers.I guess that's where I fit in having been a professional addicted nutcase.I take my role seriously.and plan on giving some good advice making changes for those that live with Mental health and Addictions my prime concern is education,and support living daily life.
As I contemplate my new role,which I am truly honored.There is an opportunity to be Co chair.I am thinking about what to wear, fix my hair,and bring with me the change I want to see.As I take those steps in enriching the lives of others by example.
Today I'll just be me that's the best advice I can give
Thanks for reading.
I'll let you know how it went.

Self-Esteem The facts of feeling good

Self esteem we all seem to think we got it right,by the homes we live in,the cars we drive,the job title,our influence.
Self esteem is deeper than the superficial outwardly appearances,It is really about what we think of ourselves,sure you can try to fill the void with unfulfilled relationships,low paying jobs,and never reaching your full potential due to poor self esteem.am I attractive enough,smart enough,slim enough all the self doubt the negative self talk can weaken ones self esteem as well as allowing others to critize you
My first encounter with this topic was a psychotherapist,I have always thought highly of myself or so I thought.
The definition of self - esteem encompasses beliefs,emotions and behaviors.In Psychology self-esteem reflects a persons overall evaluation or appraisal of one's own worth.synonyms self worth,self respect.self respect,self integrity.
One way of communicating through speech and body language can reflect one's self esteem.How do you feel about yourself,do you have self-esteem.
The language that refers to self esteem today is self acceptance,self approval,self expression self assertion.self approval.self love,self realization.
Take away all the things the masks,the materials,what lies beneath?
A search for self?starts with self esteem

Labels are formed for suffers of Mental Health and Addictions

Mental health and Addiction patients have been labelled,past and present by the minority for the majority,What has sparked me to write about the topic is there is a debate on what to call you.as a collective name.Consumer,Survivor, Recovery where the terms is used,in the past mental health patients where called crazy,insane,nuts,
to name a few to describe you.It irked me however that in the labels that are put upon people how it actually affects people that suffer,those that are ill,and for the future people diagnosed with Mental illness, the individuals that will not seek treatment for the very reason of labels.I for example like crazy that is what I like it suits me fine and really does describe my personality.at least the a reason for the madness.I had posted the fact I am a patient,of Mental health service,no she thought this implies I was not a person that self-advocates.that indeed I was playing a subservient role.However,this statement was to me a denial of the facts,I am a patient,self-advocate,crazy bipolar,addict,alcoholic,whew I am blessed with all of them in recovery.There never going to go away,I will not ever be recovered,
I manage my illness with wellness,one day at a time.
It is in the labels the criticism,by not only the public,but by the mental health individual and groups that also contribute,to the stigma in which individuals face,
keeping many in isolation with there illness,This concerns me,as some people will feel that Recovery is a far way,an unobtainable goal,many will not even try and die as a result,First and foremost we are people with an illness,the labels and the diagnosis,is a part of us,living with mental health and addiction is learning experience in which one has to accept,suffer,educate,this is not easy for anyone,most people need support for daily living..yet as the debate goes on and patients are left with there pills,where is the support when it comes to daily life,,guess what many don't have support they suffer in silence and isolation,
What labels do you call yourself?
thanks for reading xox

Working through the emotion

Anger to me has always been a defence mechanism that worked.I loose my cool the trigger goes away..The raging Bipolar in me sends those around me,feeling somewhat defenseless.This anger come from a place of frustration or disappointment usually with people,family,or myself
or someone that just sends me irate which means I have to be watchful of those that I surround myself with ,if you piss me off you are cut off,simple as it seems,I can do this at a drop of a dime.I have tried other techniques,but I do revert to this one always it is what works.I can't candy coat so the other persons feelings are not hurt,If my opinion doesn't count then I stand for nothing.however not everyone want to hear it and that is there choice.Live and Let live I kept saying to myself today.
as the trigger of my anger was my son and his foolish ways..I can't wrap my brain how someone else thinks or lives that is there life.I am not going to do this as a disservice to them or myself.I look through the window into my own future.what do I see.peace and calm it is what I love,but when the triggers call or walk through the door.I learned along time ago.I don't want them so I don't seek them out,they seek me
and when they do the rage in uncontrolable at the time.In writing this post I am working through the emotion.
thanks for reading

The humerous side of Bipolar when I am Manic,If I was depressed I'd be crying

Bipolar and manic to me is,having to clear out my house,usually I just move the furniture around at 3 or 4 in the morning,but not this time. I cleared everything out into storage unit.I was supposed to move but I am now sitting in an empty house,Now if I was depressed I would probably be sad,however I am happy as I unloaded each load of my personal belonging,gave away most of the furniture to goodwill,this bipolar does stuff like, give away my stuff to get new stuff.
Like yesterday I spent the day in Port Credit,which is such a beautiful lake front community with restaurants,stores,markets,parks,all within walking distance.fancy this and fancy that.suitable for my manic tendencies(laughing while I am writing this)
I also enjoy photography the scenery shots are spectacular,however I noticed every picture with my hubby in,he does not look to happy about this rather expensive endeavor.I found an Apartment hotel,perfect just move in and voila.no work involved
there is only one minor detail I have 2 dogs that are a valued part of my life.before two weeks are up I have to find a solution for this..Even on the ride home..I was on the brink of irritation as know one is going to stop me,I am on it
If I am going to live this Bipolar life May as well live it in style.
see he works hard for his money.I spend it as fast as it comes.not to mention
I gamble,take risks.sometimes the odds are in my favor sometime they are not.
I would not recommend this lifestyle for most,but it does work for me.
I also think that bipolar tendencies depends on how much cash is on hand,I try not to pull out the credit any more as this can be disaster play now pay later.concept has proven not to work for me.Its all about the game,a game requires participation.
Game of Life..I actually flip a coin if I have a decision to make.three times if it comes up heads I can proceed.Yesterday I wanted to go out early as I still had not slept from the night before.wanted to go to Port Credit,but hubby and son where still sleeping it was six in the morning after trying my hardest to get them up and at it.they needed there sleep.I went to bingo after flipping the coin.the thought process is should I or should I not.I went, after winning some cash 1,000 I was glad I did.We did make to to Port Credit enjoyed the 2 hour walk and dinner that cost 200.00.came home to my empty house went to sleep.another day in the mania.
In the manic the mood is lifted,fast talking,fast moving most can't keep up with me.
the decreased need for sleep,increase in appetite,spending money,are signs of mania
I love it,but the doctor does not..isn't it better than the other pole depression

Wonder how the Doc is going to like it when I see him tomorrow wish me Luck

BPD in OKC: Revealing myself - 1,000th blog post

BPD in OKC: Revealing myself - 1,000th blog post