Five ways to know your up...

Five ways to know your up!
1)When money is flowing I am up.
2)little or no need for sleep.
3)self-medicate with your vices ie shopping gambling,drinking,drugs,sex
4)keeping up appearances
5)socializing

Since Friday,I am feeling better.wheew I really thought I was headed for a depression but in fact I had the flu which will make one feel lousy,so if you haven`t had it yet,beware its nasty.

The week-end was filled with all my favorites,money,shopping,gambling.so to me that's fun,I skipped the whole Thanksgiving thing with the family I can tell you I did not miss the stress nor the calories.
I finally found a way to overcome the laundry task
rather than disposable clothes.I opted for a laudry service.I was going to do it myself.I really didn`t want to so I asked the local laundry mat if they have a wash and fold service,with two big garbage bags the lady put it on the scale, I paid $35:00,this was money well spent,I no longer have the stress of doing the laundry.
all the benefits of fresh clean clothes,and folded nicely.aahh perfect solution for a troubling laundry situation.for me anyways.
It gave me time to shop.which I needed some warm winter clothes.
This life I can get used to.it suits my lifestyle...
As the new weeks starts,I look forward to it as I am up,living the moments that are mine.
Enjoy your moments xo
Susan comments are welcomed

Down but never out in bipolar

Down but never out in bipolar,Today there are rays of sunshine that somehow bring be comfort it is 1:30pm just woke up,I stepped out to have a smoke and wow there is some sun today! after days of rain and cold,my mood is still that of depression or low mood as I call it.am I confusing this with the flu,as I have been very sick for over a week with no ease at all.I have vowed to stop walking in the rain and cold it is only making me worse but it does help the mood.
Complaining seems to make feel invisible,chicken soup does sooth the soul,I may be down but never out.I'll just take the time to rest and recuperate,in hopes that will
help..but if not, the meds will..temporarily elevate the symptoms of depression.
This is not my favorite part of Bipolar,depression is a sad place to be everyone around you seems happy and I can't even crack a smile.energy is low,very low typing this is taking much effort as everything in my body seems to hurt.
When we are sick we talk about it the flu,bipolar what ever gets us down.the thing with the flu is it goes away,Bipolar never does,I have to cancel thanksgiving as I am just not up to it..My health is more important,so I take care of that.
thanks for reading
comments are appreciated

Thanksgiving time to cook up something.

Thanksgiving,time to cook up something..Turkey,mashed potatoes,stuffing all the fixing
I am on my sabbatical from cooking so how is this going to work? Family are calling me
what's for dinner,where is it going to be? Well as you know I am staying at a hotel.
so the answers for the questions I am not able to answer,but with alot of hungry people,that seem to rely on me for the feast.I have 3 days to go.
The plan.
1)skip it altogether I don't need the work ot the calories
2)order Turkey dinner to go a few hotels have this options feeding 12 people for 150.00 dessert included.
3)Mother Tuckers all you can eat buffet.this is the most costly.with me flipping the bill.
4) pick up the food,get up early go to my daughter and cook...yuk I don't like this option.
As you can see I have a few solutions,now the hard part pick one!


The thinking about the dinner is the easy part..doing it, without the wanting to do it well that's another story.
I love the family..just not the cooking or cleaning
with family there is always lots of that.
The reason for Thanksgiving is to be Thankful..I am just that Thankful
that is all I could ask for.Turkey dinner sounds good too.

As Depression sets in..

I have had bipolar for 15 yrs..I have learned signs and symptoms.
There are factors that contribute to a bout of depression.









1) The weather.when it is cold outside,and the sun is not shining..I personally just want to go back to bed and snuggle under the blankets and sleep..aahh that's better.
2) Mood is quite,with aggitation the slightest noise irriates me!
3) Isolating,I really just want to be left alone.
4) Appearance get neglected.
5) Sick..physical symptoms nausea,vomiting,urination,headaches,weakness
6) darkness the world feels dark in depression.just like my mood
7) serious,no laughter,emotions pop out of know where,sad overall,really about nothing,gloom and doom.
8)decrease in appetite or increase in sweet cravings
9) Everything seem like an effort of energy,which I don't have.
10) Repeats daily for weeks and months

The aftermath in Bipolar

Today started rather late after my night of gambling,around 2pm the front desk was calling to see if the suite needed anything.I hung up the phone thinking why do they bother when I have the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door.
I had some banking to do,its a good thing I was awake.the sun is shining today and the milder weather is welcomed,The dogs loved the walk feeling frisky Lucy is getting in the habit of walking on her own,she is such a diva.
had calls from my children they are missing mom.I miss them to,but sometimes the heart grows fonder with a little time apart,it is Thanksgiving this Monday so we all get together for that.
When I was driving to the bank,the roadway was slowed down with various tow trucks,
and big wheel vehicles the tanker truck was loaded on two tow truck in a millions small pieces,it made me think I have the nerve to complain even when I think I am in a mess it is not near as bad as this guys day or the aftermath of the accident.did he survive?
I spent far to much last night at the casino,I needed to get out,this morning I was thinking I could have managed the money better.made it last longer that the couple of hours that it was in my hands,after all I am living on faith and God did supply
why do I have to get in the way to mess it up.
The aftermath is the consequence of not thinking,behavioral acting out in bipolar is
damaging,but not as damaging as the truck that is in a million pieces
I survived.
Comments are welcomed

Is Today Sunday

Sunday is my favorite day of the week.I was eager to get the day started with a breakfast brunch.around 7am I feel asleep till noon,with a feeling of distortion and fog in my brain.I decided I needed to do the laundry.can't seem to retire this duty
either I get disposable clothes,or drop of my laundry to get washed.somehow the first option appeals to me.I really don't like the thought of someone sniffin my panties,that past the afternoon.Then it was time for bingo yes.Women where outside complaining about there wifely and motherly duties,housework,cooking dishes and laundry,and the fact the kids are spoiled and nothing or no one helps.
I finally said yes I am free.what a wonderful thought.
I did win again,so I am on target with the financials to.
G55.one thousand dollars not bad for an evening out.
I am feeling, better from the cold I had.
Monday is one day I get to sleep unless of course there is something to wake up to.
Have a great day..xo

Agnes exactly why are you pissing your pants?

Agnes is this lady I met at the hotel,she considers herself middle aged she is 46yrs old,the same age as me.In her appearance you can see the weariness has taken hold of her face,also doesn't keep herself well,in her clothing she wears track pants that seem over-sized for her plump body frame.
Agnes hair is wavy shoulder length that seems not to have had a comb through it in weeks,coloured blond to cover the greys that peak from her crown.
I went to her room today to take her a coffee and have a chat her room was a bit unmade,books and papers cluttered the table.She was sipping her tea,as it dripped down her mouth onto the side of her face.Agnes went to the bathroom,as she started to cough.it was quite noticeable that in each cough Agnes had pissed her pants.
The coughing continued.I had said she should cut down on smoking.smoking is worse than crack.I can't afford to smoke,it is like a bad habit gone bad,I thought the wrinkles around my mouth was from sucking to much C&*ck,it may be from smoking I responded.We laughed
She cleaned up the mess and changed her pants,everything smells like piss in her laundry bag,I sprayed some perfume as the smell was making me gag.
I left her room thinking what could possibly make her piss her pants,is part of the aging process,is it time for her to wear diapers,I mean she is the same age as myself.Her moods made my bipolar symptoms seem mild..apparently she is normal
Is this normal I asked myself.don't judge the way one walks as you have not walked in there shoes.or wore there pants.
thanks for reading
till next time comment are appreciated