Daughter of mine..

My youngest daughter is 26,she is graduating from college on Thursday,and is pregnant with her first child.It makes momma proud
Our relationship over the years has always been challenging,as her personality is very much like mine.
Friday night I headed downtown to meet her as we had to get her grad outfit,our shopping trips gone by,are always in and out of every single store,she doesn't ever find something she likes.I really wanted to make this a special occasion for her as the memories,positive ones that will remain with her for life.
Amazing, my always late daughter was on time.bonus with the fact of little to no traffic on our way downtown.I was off to a good start,I had to make a point to have fun.I normally panic when we head to the mall together,as I just want to get the hell out,not this time we looked into a few stores,found a sales rep that was pleasant,she whipped together a dress,scarf,brooch,purse,my daughter was beaming with a smile,I ask her if this is the outfit she said I love it.My hard to please daughter was impressed at the cash we joked and laughed.We had fun!
I had told her I got the tired mom to be a day at the spa,The elm wood an exclusive spa,water therapies,massage,facial manicure/pedicure and a three course lunch.
This should relieve any stress or worry before her big day.
I asked her to stay overnight,ran her a jacuzzi bath,we stayed up all night talking,
we never run out of words to say we talk,debate.with her fragile hormonal state.
I have to take it easy with her.she is still young and has alot of growing and learning to do.just like we all did.I also have to remember that my daughter is just like me yet she is an individual.strong,beautiful.
The bond that we share is action pact,never leaving a dull moment.
I guess the good lord wants to keep me on my toes.
My daughter just called to say on the subway ride home, lots of people where dressed for Halloween,she loves to dress up and have fun,not this year she a pregant mom to be,she said next year she can take her son out, party days are over something she will have to get use to.
Thanks for reading
Thanks for reading have a good night

Jumping Jackpots

Last night I went shopping finally,the outfit included Jeans,Jean Jacket top,a bra & panties.I can tell ya these boobs are appreciate the supreme lift,they are back where they should be.I went to bingo feeling very confident with my appearance,although I was wearing high heel sandals,in late October.
It was a rainy night,I hit a 500.00 jackpot cool..then the 1000.00 sweet.
I was flipping my coin,remember this is how I make life decisions.Jumped in a cab,which was a luxury Chevy van,headed to the casino.Right off the bat jackpot 375.00
Good so I didn't have to touch what I came with,then another 675.00,then another 400.00 and another 475.00 hit the 1000.00 on the dollar slots.It was as if I could do nothing wrong.It felt really good to walk out of the casino at 6am,with loot in hand.got cab back to the Hotel,had breakfast complimentary every morning.I had a Jacuzzi bath,thinking how good life is.
Risk taking is not always easy,but the victories are so sweet.
I got ready for some sleep,awake at 9am,refreshed.this is day 12 of the sleep/wake pattern.I thought staying up all night would blow me into deep sleep all day.
Nope I guess I need all the time I can get JACKPOT!
Thanks for coming back,Please post a comment

A Compassionate look into addiction.First person

I was shuffling in bed with this title in my head.I woke up sat at the computer, had to go for breakfast thinking about the topic of compassion,addiction a walk down memory lane. A glimpse into childhood,as I never dwell there to long,but here it goes.
I would see my father drunk,a drink accompanied all occasion,happy, sad or just plain boredom.with the drunken stupor came violence,mostly bar brawls,and domestic.In those days father could take us in the bars,or let us play at the park.Mother was unable to protect herself much less us from fathers outbursts of anger.I always blamed her for not getting father the help he needed,he was a very sick man.and she was weak.The environmental component to addiction, Children learn what they see.deviant behaviors are used to obtain drug of choice.Mother and Father both relied on the social welfare system,father would engage in frauds to provide for his habit,Mother would rely on other men to supply her needs.
Mother was an emotional junkie,anything for attention.
I grew into a teenager with views of how I wanted to live my life,very strong ones at that refused to be anything like my parents,there is the genetic component of addictions called DNA,
I had my first drink of alcohol,by the time I was 11 years old,probably before that as Mom told us Dad would put whisky in our baby bottles to get us to sleep.
When we where cranky.
I did everything not to be an alcoholic except drink,I knew what the signs were.
the writing is on the wall for most drunks.
drinking for me was a way to clear my mind,relax,have some fun,great fun most times until I tried to stop drinking.Could it be the very thing I denied in life was in fact a way of life.To avoid the withdrawal symptoms one must drink.I also was deeply involved in drugs,don't they just go together,the mix would take me to another place,sometimes driving down young St on the wrong side of the road,bars where like home to me.Hotels are a safer place.shh no one knows.
Compulsion to engage in an activity despite harmful consequences,deemed by myself,health, mental state,or social life
This topic has been lurking in my mind,as an addict that has been foolish as I did enjoying drug induced euphoria than more popular acceptable lifestyles.
Addiction is a choice..Some don't get the chance.
I was downing the pain meds for my impacted wisdom tooth.I thought how easy this addiction thing happens,it starts with a drink, pill,smoke,sex,food gambling
Internet,porn the list goes on and on..I have a symptom in which I want to go way
or a feeling.it remains until I get the next fix of the drug of choice.
The emotional fixation acquired through learning,aiming to avoid specific discomfort.
Through the years I have learned that the addiction process starts Innocent,but can steal many years of life and living having to learn how to live as I was dead for so long..thanks for reading

A perfect stranger

It has been my experience that a perfect stranger can offer assistance and kindness that no other can,not a family member, friend or colleague
A stranger in the the dark,is like an angel in the park.
Today started rather later,I woke up at 7am,but with all the meds I am taking for the tooth,which I did see the dentist yesterday,he said it is an impacted wisdom tooth,that is rubbing against the nerve and is infected,he said we could take it out but he would have to peel me off the ceiling as the pain is enormous.what is this the pain is unbearable.He said go see an oral surgeon and he can put you to sleep by this time it was 6pm,I went home
after a good-nights sleep my head is hurting many people calling today they seem concerned.I will receive this.It is 3;30pm spent the afternoon on the phone,sharing,laughing,
I have to go out at 5;00 work on the money issue,hopefully something works in my favor today
all is well that ends well.the money came through
eating a steak dinner,with zuccini&mushrooms yummo
thanks for coming back,
The pain in the tooth is finally gone,food was delicious.

It's a beautiful day in Toronto

It's a beautiful day in Toronto the sun is shining,the mild weather is seems like spring.Started the day early,however I didn't even open the curtains,I have been napping late afternoons,so I planned my walk for this time slot,2pm did not work today it is rather dead just my luck,I really need to make cash today so I am doing my money chant.hopefully someone will hear it..The dogs are even quite today.
our walk was peaceful,they romped in the leaves.I really need to get batteries for my camera.they are playing tug of war with there leashes.right now Luke is the dominating force.Lucy is just letting him have his way.He stops to glaze out the patio window.quietly .I am dressed and ready to finally address the tooth issue,I'll be so happy to see my dentist,I think he will just give me a antibiotic and ask me to come back when the infection is gone,I'll see.
My guess is that in the over thinking I do about every little detail,does not allow for the action to occur,this week I will attempt to act before I think.I know for most it is the other way around,but what works for me may not work for you.
It looks like I may have to move from this fancy hotel do my overspending and lack of income thus farthis week but remember it is faith journey,I took a look in the mirror I really like what I see today.I am answering the phone and will make it through another day.
the calm,quite,is so wonderful..I am off to the hustle and bustle of Toronto.
Have a great day!

Blowing the cash flow

Blowing the cash flow,yesterday a beautiful sunny day,mild here in Toronto it felt like spring,I was awake at 6am on a Sunday,went for breakfast.Then decided to blow some cash,gambling.I didn't get a jackpot.Worry starts to play with my mind,I need to maintain the lifestyle I so love!When the thought of worry set in I replace it with faith and believe that just for today everything is alright.but is it really?
The point when I decide to blow money that I really have no business spending.I should do something that is less expensive like painting a piece of art.with the autumn colors in bloom, I have the inspiration to paint,but yet to put it into action.
This morning I have to concentrate on working replacing the money,for this week.
I also have considered spending less time on social media,as it does take up alot of time.that means filling the time with work.
This afternoon I am off to the dentist to finally address the toothache.
I also really need a new look,hairdo and some clothes,I do tend to put things off.
Not this week,however I have some social gatherings next week,I really have to look my best.that is the goal of the week.doing my best and looking my best. Do you put things off?what goals do you have today?
Leave a comment thanks Susan

Life is like a pot of stew

Life is like a pot of stew..add ingredient...let it simmer..add some spice...mix it up..share and enjoy..Don't forget the bread and butter.

OK so I broke down,and cooked a meal after a long sabbatical.I use food to shut people up..I am a great cook, when I cook everyone eats and shuts right up no wonder!

I just ate two bowls of stew,simply delicious,as I meditated on the food.and my new found appreciation for my skills..beef,onions,lentils,vegetables,squash variety of spice..buttered roll.
let it simmer,mix it up, share and enjoy.

I had to save some for my daughter who is coming to spend the evening with Mom.
she is really looking forward to my cooking,it's been awhile and she is six months pregnant with her first child,she has an appetite.
My daughter has inherited mothers moodiness.with her pregnancy,her hormones are all over the place,making her rather emotional,to be expected.

Back to the pot,if you don't like the heat get out of the kitchen.
the pot of stew is to share similar to our lives,our children learn so much from us.
making it tasty,so it goes down smoother.has not always been one of my own skills.
but after the pot of stew..they shut up and listen up!
thanks for reading.With love