Bipolar Head Trauma

Hi there,Welcome back

I just want to start this post,with some encouragement yes everyone knows so much it seems about bipolar these days.The so called experts.I can tell you I have become an expert on the illness as I have walked in the shoes.step by step,day by day.
Truly for my own recovery,most of it was trial and error,what works for me,what doesn't.15 yrs of the onset of depression,then bipolar,which finally acute rapid-cycling bipolar.there are stages of bipolar and it is a progressive illness.
However,I can say through the pasy 8yrs of research on the topic of bipolar.Many questions arise.I needed to get answers.Just when I think I have it figured out something new is revealed to me.good thing it's progressive as everyday is a learning opportunity.

Bipolar and Head Trauma.
I was thinking before sleep last night,can Bipolar start with a head trauma?
Googled and to much surprise yes it can.
What troubled me was the fact as many doctor as I have seen no one ever explored this
with me.
head trauma at birth,or car accident can result in genetic dormant bipolar.
With onset of bipolar,2-8 yrs following.
The fact that no one takes this into consideration is bothersome.
Bipolar is a brain disease.Insurance companies would be required to pay,if indeed a persons life was destroyed as a result of illness.
lets just give them a meager monthly wage in disability.rather than a payment for the initial head trauma,which can result in bipolar illness,and other forms of mental illness.
I am going to explore this option further,with the mental health and addiction team.
at the hospital.
I would be interested to hear from you! Have you ever fallen,been in a car accident,
beaten on the head,or had a problematic birth.
suffered concussion from the head trauma?
With Mental illness onset many years after the head trauma.this is worth exploring for future Bipolar Patients
Thanks for reading and participating

Living on a Prayer

Living on a prayer..Our faith is tested when we have to overcome challenges with little or no resources.
Faith is seeing the belief of something that can't be seen.
It can be applied to one's spirituality,circumstance,overcoming Mental Health and addictions, finances.
This leads me to one's own reality,it there something your believing in today?
yet have seen the fruits of your faith?
When preparation meets destiny..will it happen for me? and you?
Reality as it exist at this very moment.It makes me question what the hell am I really doing? exactly this.I live in a hotel.I write.I walk.I eat.I think.I breathe.
I sleep.I read.I meditate.
The addict in me wants everything instantly.gratification immediate.NOW
I smoke,it is awaking to me,that I can always find a way to supply my needs and wants for my addictions.
If one day I can't there is always hell to pay for others.and myself the torment of withdrawal.
Withdrawing from life is quite simple you close the door behind you.
However to engage in addictive behaviors,yes they are a result of mental health.
To the addict nothing good is quite good enough,but if it is bad for us,the badder the better right.
My father always said the good the bad and the ugly.
The ugly is I am demanding,controlling,and can be very mean when I don't get my way.
I manipulate everything and everyone to suit my needs and wants.
I yell, I scream, I am stronger than the weak and vulnerable.
Life has taught me this.My life
day after day,one by one.
Thanks for reading Post a comment

The Midnightmatters Project

Developing my own style of writing,a unique prospective on Mental Health and Addictions,creating a platform in which to deliver my message.
Midnight matters is the essence in which I create.I work best in the midnight hours.
The silence of the room,allows for my mind to be a playground.
Having viewed the world around me,looking for clues of inspiration as the day unfolds.
The signs,the wonders that fuel my soul.
The darkest of nights await the dawn.
The connections I make with others,form friendships built on value and trust.
The midnight matters a time for engaging others to challenge their thought processes,
to understand the importance of choice in recovery.
The insight of voice for those that continue to suffer in silence and isolation.
The words are a powerful strategy to teach,inform,support those affected by Mental Health and Addictions.
What drives me in this project?
Many I have known and loved didn't have a chance or choice in their experience with Mental Health and Addiction.Precious life is claimed by suicide,drug overdoses,alcohol related deaths,abuse of self and others which greatly affects the family as a whole.
Poverty,the mode of basic survival.
A life often known..without available options or resources
This project,I have been working on for 2 years.However I have come to the conclusion that my platform needs to be concise with attainable goals
The writing part of the project is to have articles and a book written for publication.public engagements.

Life is about timing,The unreachable,becomes reachable.The unavailable,available.
The unattainable,attainable.Be patient,wait it out.It's all about timing
~Stacey Charter

Bipolar days of nothing.

Bipolar days are high lows..somewhere in between,never really knowing one moment to the next what mood we will be in,Days of nothing but gloom and doom can be the darkest of moments.Self-doubts,intrusive thoughts,everything around us seems impossible even ourselves.We isolate,cause really who would want to see us like this,or even want to be around us? Curtains drawn,lifeless feelings and loss of energy.It can hit for no apparent reason.It is just one of those days,but when one of those days turns into weeks and months..Manic Depression is the illness.Bipolar to me,are the cycles.
Winston Churchill called it the Black Dog,Many of us don't even like the description of depression.I am included I rarely mention the D word,I call them low moods.
To many of us,Depression is a sign of lost hope,it is more than a feeling,It really is a big part of who we are,what we have become.Everyday,every moment is a struggle.
Simple daily tasks,like waking up,getting out of bed,getting dressed,answering the phone,talking to a single soul in the area in which we are.
Connecting with others, keeping a schedule,preforming our work, are during these times impossible tasks..Never mind things like housework,cooking,bill payments.
The darkness of day,reaches our soul..The loneliness even in a crowd of happy faces.
In this place,we are comfortable.There is no challenge in living day to day depressed.However doing something to get of that dark place is..
Here are a few tips that work for me.

1) GET UP!
2) Get moving
3) Make my bed
4) Eat something of nutritional value vegetables or low sugar fruit
5) Writing,keeping a mood journal,creative writing,goals of 5 things check them off when completed,not all in one day.
6) Go for a walk,start with 15 minutes..each day add 10 minutes.till you are walking an hour each day..the sunshine is wonderful for depressed people,and say hello to others as you pass them by,start a conversation..
7)Prayer and meditation ask for help
I have been a spiritual person,since a young girl,I pray daily and read my bible.
Mindful meditation is a quite place with no thoughts..check out how to do it on-line.
8)Each day I have fun,at times I really have to force my self.I smile and practice
cause a depressed person,doesn't smile much..laughter is natures best medicine.
I try to be with happy people,it does rub off.adding 1 hour of social a few times a week..start and get involved
9)Talk on the phone..there are a few people I can talk to,friends that will call me as I am not calling anyone when I am depressed..I make sure to answer the phone..
I talk about them,an event..just not about me..Getting out of myself is good to.
10)Have a bath..it relaxes me..with bubbles
11) Read a book a few chapters at a time..I focus on what I am reading rather than drifting away in my thoughts.
12)Sleep..I know many of us sleep to much and feel guilty about it..sleep is a benefit to depression.
13)Be good to myself..ie) do my hair,get my nails done,a new piece of clothing,
a little pampering goes a long way
14)feel the feelings..go through
15)when all my efforts no longer improve my mood state..and mood last longer than 2 weeks..I have a visit to the Dr's..He always has great suggestions
Managing the illness..takes work daily.
Sometimes doing nothing is OK to.
Thanks for reading leave a comment or suggestion

Bipolar dwelling..getting on with life..It is for the living

It is Monday,after a great week-end after putting health and work aside.I had fun!
Friday it started with a girlfriend,coming by purely a coincidence as she didn't know where I was at.I was going to get smoke and there she was in her vehicle.I laughed and she took me to the store.I have been in seclusion for awhile now.
I went out for an evening of gambling and social fun.
Saturday morning the phone rings it is a girlfriend could barely say hello the door knocks it's my buddy Coco.she comes in I ask my other girlfriend if I can call her later.Coco says get ready we are going for breakfast.I was preparing myself a dish of vegetables,quickly left it behind,combed my hair off we went.we ate,laughed just as we always do.
after we took the dogs for a run.
Sunday morning we waited for my grandson,both daughters arrived with my grand kids in the back it was a quick visit,but nice to see them,even better that they where going to church.My youngest daughter is expecting her first child,she is due February 10th.
very exciting time for the family.
We left to go to the Air Canada center to see the Raptors game vs the mavericks.
it was exciting,fun,not to mention Chris bosh rocks it for the Raptors,I took lots of pictures.we all had fun,it was nice to see my grandson smiling,me to for that matter.
I went to look at a house,that was advertised by a business executive.what a dump by my standards it amazes me how people choose to live.I love my life.
I live for the moments that make up each day.I had quite a few special moments that had nothing to with bipolar moments life is for the living.
Please leave a comment

The Doctors Voice

The Doctors voice in Mental health & Addictions treatment is an essential first step.
A general practitioner can refer to a phychiatrist.I know this can be intimidating at first,to ask for help.there could be awaiting list for assessment when your not in crisis.Be persistent
Another important piece of the puzzle is to be consistent and remain with the same doctor over the years of treatment and management of the illness.The doctor is a professional voice in treatment,he monitors your progress and setbacks,The illness left untreated is a progressive illness that gets worse over time.
Treatment,begins with medications.In or out patient basis when in crisis.weekly visits.The details in which you discuss with the doctor are vital. Family history.To keep track of moods a mood chart is beneficial as we often can't remember one day to the next,while medicated.
If street drugs or alcohol,caffeine are being used and in what quantities,our diets,our sleep patterns sleep/awake cycle.
Not to mention are over all health,thyroid,hormones,sugar levels,any other underlying health issues should be disclosed with the Doctor.
A Doctors view is not to place judgement,but to plan a treatment that is best suitable for your individual needs.
To commonly,in the 15 minutes of your appointment you can feel rushed and forget to mention what was on your mind.plan ahead for your visit write down a few key questions and keep it with your mood journal.
I know for me getting out of bed was the hardest part,often I would miss scheduled visits.They understood and would book another appointment,it took awhile until I could meet these appointments willingly.
I often didn't like what the Doctor had to say.An illness,lifestyle changes.It was overwhelming,not to mention I felt very much alone.
It not like at that time I was willing to tell the world I had the makings of a madwomen.
I really liked my doctor,not to mention he was very handsome and smart.I have had the same doctor for 6yrs.
He would tell me the goal is to shorten the length of episodes,and the duration.
To change my sleep/wake pattern
To exercise.
add sunlight to my day
my diet consisted mostly of sugary sweets,chocolate and carbs,coffee
He wanted me to eat vegetables and fruit,drink water.
I can tell you I was furious with this adorable doctor,thinking he had officially
turned into a quack,his requests where unreasonable and impossible.
I can tell you..he was right.
Even if we think we are cured,at times we will think so.moods are improved,we are doing the job called life.every once in awhile during the maintenance of treatment we need the Doctors voice.
Thanks for reading.

The Bitter Cold of Bipolar

January 9 2010

The morning started at 3am,full of promise for the day.I did my on-line work.A thought came.I must get out and about today even if it hurt.I have been couped up due to a bad knee.I showered and dressed,yes today is the day.I was motivated and raring with unusual energy.My husband looks up from his pillow beneath his head.says what are you doing.I resounded quite loudly we are going out,he looks at the clock on the side table,it's only 4:00am.never mind get ready and lets go.
Where to he asks,I don't know we will figure that out while driving.I asked him to stop for coffee.I go into Tim Horton's,with a big smile and make my order.
aahh I love a morning coffee,even if It makes me manic.We sit in the cold car barely heated,the music is playing.I was just happy to get out,Where to,he asks
lets just drive.he says I have to go to work at 6am,I said I was fully aware but there are a few things we need to do? like what?Go to the bank,breakfast,then take the dogs to day care.not much is open at this time of day Susan.
We drove,I was looking at the Christmas lights,people waiting at bus stops,thinking I love my life.at least I don't have to go work for a meager wage,waiting for the bus at 4 in the morning,in the darkness of a cold bitter night.

We killed some time till 7am,the daycare was open,hubby dropped them off before his day of work.all I could think was I am free.Time to myself.time stood still,while the inspirations for the day,the possibilities came to mind.

I heard a knock at the door,it was housekeeping.I love my life I boast.I grabbed my coat,told her I am leaving for the day.she smiles

I enter the restaurant,looking around the dining area was filled with men having breakfast either with co-workers or alone.The waitress poured my coffee,took my order of 2 eggs over easy,bacon and brown toast, set the morning Toronto Sun on the table.I read the news,and my horoscope.

I stood at the doorway of the hotel,thinking to myself now what? what direction should I go as I headed towards Dixie,the sun was shining,but the bitter gusts of cold wind.blowing make me think,just get a cab.not one in sight so with one foot in front of the other I kept going.I walked for a half hour,decided to stop at the bus stop thinking of homeless people,the others that have to wait for the next bus.Really what was I doing I had a choice I went into the Tim Horton's,finally some warmth got a coffee.asked the service guy to order me a cab.

While I was waiting for the cab,A young tall blond haired Guy in his 20's start to tell me how his life is all messed up,he just got out of jail.I gave him the change from my pocket and said to him he is young enough to turn it around.imagine being old and fucked up.He said have a good day,Suzanne.he must have over heard the guy when he was calling the cab.I had given him my name.

Once in the cab I was cheerful,and talked abit to the cabby,said I was just going to Dundas.once there I had some to kill.so I looked through the store called value village,I am starting to like just looking at other peoples junk.and well the prices are unbeatable.

Once I finished my smoke,I went to change my nail polish to a burnt red to match the turtle neck I was wearing.I looked at the reflection of myself in the mirror.
warm and bundled,however not the most fashionable.

By the end of the day,I just wanted to get back to the hotel suite,have an infused jacuzzi bath,with coconut and wild berries,it was scrumptious as the jets energized my muscles,the hot water slowly defrosted my body and mind.

Back to my Life that I love!

Thanks for reading Post a comment!