News Alert of the Day

News alert of the day.Women sue Doctor for cutting off their tits...Oops they made a mistake? Where in the hell did they put those boobies brains, Anyways? Those damn Doctors.
Trusted friends,who needs enemies.
Now,I heard this after I checked out the side effects from the medication they gave me during my stay in hospital.I heard voices shit.could the Doctor that prescribed them to me,just uummm
mention it in her voice instead of the ones in my head.Geez it scared the gebbies out of me.
No wonder bipolar meds scared me straight before..now again.
They make mistakes,I am not a scientific experiment.
Please share any mishaps with your Doctor.
Thanks for dropping by.

Mental Health.A slippery slope.

Mental health,A slippery slope.
Intially one goes to the doctor with complaints of distress,crisis.Moods that seem disturbing,that one can't seem to shake.
We turn to the trusted professionals to ease our worry.
We are given a bag of mixed up pills and emotions.
We put our minds to rest that we will indeed be guided through diagnosis,with a treatment plan.
There is no mention of possible side-effects from these medications,the follow-up
is to increase or decrease add or take away.The pain.
Once initiated into the Mental Health system,The road to recovery seems no where in sight.
The information is documented,remaining a open file.
I can tell you with my experience what I share can and will be used against you.
Mental health diagnosis takes away ones rights and independance.
Soley relying apon a system that favors practioners rather than the ill.

Who's life is it anyways?

This is my life,bipolar and all.
Who's life is it anyways? MINE.
At 46 yrs of age I can and will make decisions which suit me.
Not what is going to make you seem justified&happy in your so called existence.
I know dealing with life on life's terms can be challenging,but we are given a hand of cards.and in the game keep your cards close to your chest,and a poker face.
If I was a movie star,or a celebrity I could put it all out there.
As this would enhance my character and popularity.
However I am I far from average,Bipolar is an illness.I get that!
Certainly in episodes,either depressive or manic one does do some bizarre things.
It is a part of who we are.
Honestly,for me your only as sick as your secrets.
I have none,I put it out to the universe,take it or leave it.
I was pondering a 20,000 sq ft rehab clinic that was for lease.It was previously the Board of trade centre,overlooking a golf course.
When Ruth returned my call for the inquiring for the leased building,she kindly said.
A rehab centre,would not be suitable for this location.
I was thinking that with taxpayers dollars,would be better served to open a facility.
A place that would ensure ones comfort,safety while in treatment.
I have seen what is available to those that struggle alone with Mental health and Addictions.
It is either locked facility in prison and hospitals.Pharmacology.
The other option is homelessness and shelters.
Out patient options for the housed and marginally impaired.

March 01 2010

The day started early,6am finally well rested getting out of bed at 9am.The comfort of a king size bed,the softness and warmth of the olive colored duvet,left me lingering for more.
I open the full length curtains,the brightness of the light blue sky,took me by a pleasant surprise.However my eyes needed to adjust.
Feeling the suns beams on my weary face.Made the start of the day seem bright.
I really want to write about the last two weeks,somehow it is deeper than I can face.
I took a two week break from media to engage in community,researching for my writings.
I can tell you I found more than I had bargained for.I can't wait to share it with you.
Surrounded by the luxuries of hotel living,interrupted by the knock on the door.
Do you need service today.the hardworking housekeeper asks.No thank-you,I replied
I am fine for today.
The silence of my mind and heart brings a sense of calm as I take a deep breath and exhale.
The reflection of the full length mirror over the desk,next to the flat screen panel Television,the phones are quite.
The dogs are basking in the suns beams,nestled together.They look so peaceful.
after a bubble bath.
I am off for a nap,hopefully that will stay that aged look in the mirror,while I eat the raw broccoli to rejuvenate the skin cells.
Sleep will help that to.
I think it is nap time

BIPOLAR MANIA

Hello Reader,
It has been a world wind week..a mania adventure..psychosis.
hmmm this is a new one for my rap sheet.wrap it all up into one. mixed mania.
what brought it on..lack of sleep,wondering around,not eating,displacement.a few beers..inhaling a few joints, yes I did in celebratory mode.I have been in hospital twice this week,a shelters as well,every imagineable and real counsellors to ensure my community care.I will blog more about the details of my goings and comings...as soon as I am able to focus.That is not easy right now.
Have you ever had mixed mania & psychosis.
Leave a comment and thoughts...

The Dark Depression

Dark depression... it's dungeon spares no one, no matter what one tries.
Once in its grasp.The anguish of despair.I did feel it coming surely I could use something from my self-care tool kit.No not this time,with thoughts of worthlessness
and why try so hard taking care of an illness that really, can I control it! or has its grip on me always remain.I for the first time was admitted to hospital on a form
which means I am to be monitored for 72 hours and accessed.The outcome the deadly dragon depression.
This is my experience,I was whisked away into a Mental health Crisis unit,8 other patients mostly men laying on a pull out chair,5-8 patients in confinement.5 nurses at the station and 3 security guards.1 phys doctor.I was escorted by a nurse to the short stay unit.I was not informed that it ws a locked unit.I was giving a series of blood work $ anal swaps.Interview with Psychiatrist asking repeated questions as she never looked at my file before asking to see me.which made me very angry.It really felt jail..
The patients where left to wander around aimlessly,until the line for meds.
15 minute breaks every 2 hours where permitted,and private belongs where locked up at the nurses station. They had given me a form to fill triggers, symptoms and crisis management.4 nursing staff at night they talked on their cell phones,played on the Internet ie face book e-mails and paperwork/lights out at 10pm.Staff actually slept in the staff room for 2 hours at which time,switched places with another staff
I was given nothing to sleep ie in the way of meds all I could do was lay in my bed.
watching my surroundings till I slept at 5am. I was wakend with more blood work.
Discharged.with my precription.
I'll write again soon Susan
It is getting more interesting as the moment passes
keep coming back.Please leave a comment thanks.

A Valentine's Message.

This empty heart,bitter and cold.
A soul searching for an answer,which lies within.
A calmness of knowing I am loved.
Even when I am pushed and shoved.
This empty room,filled with gloom and doom.
Hungry to explore the passion of love.
A blank canvass fills my mind.
Remembering those so kind.
Each day I am lucky to find.
When I choose to leave it all behind.
I didn't think you would matter or mind.
when I think of you as I often do.
I am reminded to say I love you!