midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Let's talk about relationships

Let's talk about relationships,first and foremost is the relationship with oneself.
When I was young,the relationship with my parents was turbulent,violent,abusive,and loving in a sick kind of way this bond was my first impression of what relationships are,as I moved forward to my teens,I wanted relationships with others friends and guys,I became very popular,when my friendships where formed I would have to move I learned at an early age that nothing is forever. everything is temporary
Family was forever as I had a strong bond with my grandparents.
as I embarked on my young teens.the more popular I became, the more friends I had.
The relationship I formed with myself was strong as many times when life was destructive in the home I was protective of myself and my 3 brothers.I didn't show emotions well.Fear of what will happen to us as a family was present scared of relationships.I kept emotional involvements far away.Then when I started to love boys
I made it so men served a purpose.you see my mother was a loose woman always hurt or abused by men.I vowed at 10yrs old that if she got 1 dollar for every guy she boinked she'd be rich.I instantly put two and two together money and sex.
relationship I formed I was the aggressor or abuser in a sense I became addicted to the high of falling hard for men,but justified it as they served there purpose.
My purpose at the time.
When I was 15 I was in a relationship with my children's father,his purpose was to have children no other reason.His presence in the children's life wasn't even concept for me.
As selfish as that seems now to me I really didn't no any better as the examples set before me was the norm.
Then I became involved in Love,it was what I knew,drinking drugs and sex.
home at last I was involved in a relationship someone just like my Dad,this relationship was about control,yet so out of control initially the attaction was good looks and great sex,partying and all that goes with it,
I was living in Vancouver to overcome my Cocaine addiction,enrolled in school,and working out at the gym,relationship was casusal which suited me fine.my one night stand lasted for over 10 yrs,through this time we engaged in our addictions and abuse of oneself and each other as the cycle goes the honetmoon stage was always spectacular romance,love,wild sex,then arguments and fights his drug addiction progressed to Cocain once we came back to Toronto,I had been there done that and knew I didnt want any part of this.Never ever.again we parted ways after I finally told him.the truth about my secret life,which included prostitution,
I will write about this in blogs to come stay tuned it is more than hinest and juicy accounts of life as a call girl.
His purpose was to work clean and help me raise the kids,he was good at all of these things the benifits of the great sex was a bonus plan.
I stayed single for 10 yrs after that,as I clearly had no concept of choosing the right gut nothing serious just casual non-attatched relationships worked for me.
untill I had a house fire the loss of all things material and the gift of life renewd
I yet again became involved with a drug dealer and drinker.he was perfect had five kids to.I was homeless after the fire began to evaluate my life,I began to care for this guy,feeling arose,he was yet another sexual relationship gone bad.The trust factor see I could fuck around but would not tolerate anyone doing this to me,double standard.
during that summer when I was concentrating on work,a client had asked me to go away for the week-end which I did I thought to myself how can I spend a whole week-end with someone you see my attention span was short when dealing with guys.
This man became my husband our relationship has lasted 8yrs something filled with love and purpose..till next time
Comments are appreciated
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Thanks for dropping by..till next time

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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