midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Invisible in Bipolar

Days like today and days gone by I feel invisible usually when nothing special is going on,or my appearance is less than provocative.Does not matter how much I rant and rave attention is just not coming my way,as a women I do love being the center of attention.People smile,walking by but engaging is done on my part,I have not been caring or making the effort.It is like I have put up the wall.and I am invisible.
Do I exist here in blog world,twitter,face book,or even in my reality.
For the most part the past two weeks I have been with the dogs,at the hotel.I have not included a social life,which is very important part of my well being.quite frankly. all that has gone on this year,the time to myself is valued.could it be that some resentments are keeping me isolated.quite possible..Time does heal.
Feelings get hurt,mine included..I have some upcoming engagements that will take care of this lack of social.until then I'll keep to myself, mind my business.
let others take care of their own..I will also take my grandson for his one on one this week-end.I am missing the family.hope its true absence makes the heart grow fonder.
It is difficult when your family is your life,they've gone on living for there family
oh my how things truly do change,I'll just have to adjust making changes,keeping up the appearances
Thanks for dropping by

Ok not everything is because of Bipolar

OK not everything is because of bipolar.I am Scottish with a strong will and character.have you ever seen Brave heart.the Scots won the war with might and their bare hands.Thank-you
The fight is on with myself and everyone that comes into my territory.yes I am a BITCH a heartless one at that!!!
Life teaches you this.If I didn't bitch how in the hell would anything get done.
The day started very early 8;45 to be exact as you know at midnight matters,this is prime sleeping time for the Queen BITCH,the dogs from the neighbourhood at the hotel decided to come to the sliding doors and irritate Lucy and Luke,well Luke has my personality does not like other dogs and all hell broke loose.I draw the curtains to see what the hell was going on the owner of these canine thought it was funny.I was less than impressed with the sun glaring in my eyes.I walked the dogs to clear the path of least resistance all doggies fled to there proper places.as did there owners.
Not friendly,yeah not when your barking up the wrong tree asshole.
When when whats his face gets back from who knows where.He wants to go get the dogs new winter gear.sounds like fun.WRONG,I have to stop at several stores to get the right coats,try them on and off,different styles as mad dog see other dogs he goes wild dog gone wild..Mister asshole as he is otherwise called decides,uumm lets look at everything else in the store but what we came for.My level of tolerance is -20 at this point,I just want to get the goods and get the hell out of there.NOPE,NOTTA
new leashes,collars,coats,sweaters,oh and matching shit picker upper bags.
The dogs look better than we do,I still do not have a winter coat.the bill a whopping $240.00.with my less than dress to impress self.the fancy dogs,and whats his face we get back to the car.The screaming match begins.with me doing all the scream he tries to protect himself with a less than impressive argument.Please shut-up or make your point and it better be a valid one.Next stop wall-mart.this time I go by myself.ah it is not busy,so I fill the cart with,more doggie stuff toys,a bed,
bones,I get myself a $25,00 fleece track suit,That's right at walmart,I am styling now
since I threw out my bras I really must stop throwing my things out.I need a bra.
these puppies are not standing straight.Bags in hand I set off the alarm.she checks the receipt off to the car get in.He opens his mouth and says WHY DID YOU BUY A DOG BED..well those are the last words out of his mouth it set me off as an fire alarm.he has been bugging me for a new dog bed every time we go to walmart.so I get one.pretty nice yeah.WRONG again.I just lost my mind and temper..way beyond controllable.I changed my clothes in the car,yes in the car.we stop at Tim Horton's,I toss my old pants that had a hole in them in the garbage.get smokes quick before I must deliver
him back to his MOTHER.or a body bag whichever comes first.
ok so we walk the dogs at the park.I am continuing to yell and tell him he is an IDIOT
well should be end of story wright.WRONG again.now the dogs are barking mad,I am yelling,and he is still trying to explain,explain what exactly why your fucking pissing me off.oh his answer. must be PMS time again.Last straw buddy.drop me off at bingo.do not speak an.aahh but I was shaking like a loon I was so angry.
it took the whole session of bingo to calm and a beer at the bar finally.
I get back to the hotel,ready to get a bath,with bubbles he left the bags in the car after he said he had taken everything out of the car.so If I am half nuts exactly what does that make you.
It is 5am I am all fired up like a raging wildfire.sometimes the fire of BITCH is the
only thing that matters.
Thanks for reading keep coming back
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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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