midnightmatters

Bookmark and Share

About this blog

My photo
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

Labels

10 bipolar signs.living with (1) acceptance (1) addiction (1) addiction compassion drugs emotions (1) addictions (1) advise (1) aging (1) agnes (1) alcohol (1) alone (1) anger (5) appearances (1) barriers (1) beauty (1) bills (1) bipolar hungry (1) bipolar pms features feelings (1) birthday (1) bitch (1) blog bipolar brain (1) bond (1) booze (1) brain (1) calm (1) calm peace sun walk dogs (1) capacity (1) change (4) change life moods (2) changes (2) cold (2) compliance (1) cooking (3) coping (2) cops (1) courts (1) crazy (1) crazy.obsessed (1) daughter (1) day money feeling strangers (1) days (3) death (1) depression (3) depression signs and symptoms (1) desire (1) diagnosis (1) direction (2) dishes (1) dishes housework solutions (1) dogs weather (1) dogs.love.obedient (2) drugs (2) emotions (1) energy (2) excercise (1) exercise (1) facebook downtime (1) facts (1) faith money tomorrow (2) family (5) fast (1) food (2) freedom (1) freedom fighters (1) frustation (2) future (1) gambling (2) goals (2) goals week time (1) god (1) God spirit will jesus child (1) gratitude (1) groups (1) growth (1) happy (1) heart (1) honesty (1) hood community home (1) Hoods (1) housing (1) hypomania (2) hypommania (2) illness (1) illness.choices (1) invisable (1) isolation (1) issues (1) labels (2) laundry (1) letter granddaughter growth (1) life (2) life call girl children (1) life recovery (1) living (1) low moods (3) luxury (2) mad (1) managing (1) mania (2) mania spending (2) meaning (1) mediation (1) medication (2) meds (1) mental health (1) mental heath (2) mental illness facts (1) miracles (1) money (4) mother (1) movie (1) moving (4) moving.freedom mania (1) nights (1) nothing (1) nutrition (1) others (1) overwhelmed (1) pain tooth dentist (1) passion (1) patience (1) peace (2) people (3) plans (1) policy (1) poverty (2) pregancy (1) present (1) professional (1) pychiatry (1) quite (2) rapid-cycling (3) reality (2) receive (1) recovery (2) relationships (1) relax (1) rest (1) revenge (2) rushing (1) self esteem (1) selfish (1) service (1) shopping (1) shopping gambling sex (1) sideffects (1) sleep (1) sleep disturbance (1) slow restless quite (2) social media (1) speed (1) spending power control (1) stigma.mental health (2) stillness (1) success (1) suffering (2) summer rest family (1) sunday feeling (1) sunshine (1) support funding show comedy education (1) switch (1) symptoms (1) symtoms (1) talking (1) technique (1) thankful (1) therapy (1) thinking.creatvity (1) thoughts (1) time (1) timing (1) tired (2) today (1) treatment (1) treats (1) trigger family expectations (1) triggers (2) triggers.people.bipolar (1) turkey (1) twitter (1) universe life difference love (4) walking cooking mood calm (1) water (1) weather moods dreams (2) wellness (3) why do I care (1) work (2) writing restlessness (1) writings (2)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In the depths of Bipolar Madness


In the depths of Bipolar Madness.One has to understand that first and foremost our illness controls us,we are not in control of it.Sure,there are plenty of things we can do to keep things in check.But I for one find myself letting things slide at times,mostly in the low moods of Bipolar.
Costly consequences for my actions or my illness.

It is 4:30 am.I slept soundly,awoke thinking and worrying of possible outcomes.
I have a calmness with agitation.What can I do,went to the lobby of the hotel to get creme for my coffee.I know,I shouldn't be having coffee,but I am having one anyways.
I light another cigarette,really how did I smoke a 1/2 a pack.already.

I watched Intervention last night,Watching T.V can trigger something an emotion.
This episode was about a guy hooked on Meth and Heroin pain killers.He lost his house,his families respect,daily he tried get rich quick schemes,sending all his disability money to Nigeria,in hopes of some financial millions to come his way.this would get everyone off his back.he would be back on track.

While I am watching this,I think this is a version of me.He was later diagnosed with Bipolar.

I have spent alot of money this year with little returns on gambling.
I continue to spend money,modestly however cause there is nothing left.
I spend my time dreaming of a writing,I am going to be an author.One of these days.
I work on different projects,in hopes one of them will materialize.

I pour myself a coffee,and light another smoke.I add sweetener as I have to watch my sugar intake,I don't want diabetes too.

I look around my hotel suite.puffing on my smoke.sipping my coffee.
when I logged in there was a comment from Betty who has a friend with Bipolar.She was looking and searching for answers to understanding Bipolar.
Betty found a book Bipolar bare my life~A Memoir was helpful.I will have to read this book.

Betty liked my blog.In my own quest for answers,Bipolar Madness is bigger than the both of us.I fight it,and struggle,at times I control it.
Up one day down the next.
I live it,I write about it.In hopes that you the reader will gain something from it all.That is just another whim of Bipolar Madness.

Thanks for dropping bye,please give me some feedback on this post!

Thanks for dropping by..till next time

My Blog List

The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
Reserved right to content of this blog @copyright 2009
No use of this blog is to be copied,without consent

Blog Archive

Search This Blog