midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In the depths of Bipolar Madness


In the depths of Bipolar Madness.One has to understand that first and foremost our illness controls us,we are not in control of it.Sure,there are plenty of things we can do to keep things in check.But I for one find myself letting things slide at times,mostly in the low moods of Bipolar.
Costly consequences for my actions or my illness.

It is 4:30 am.I slept soundly,awoke thinking and worrying of possible outcomes.
I have a calmness with agitation.What can I do,went to the lobby of the hotel to get creme for my coffee.I know,I shouldn't be having coffee,but I am having one anyways.
I light another cigarette,really how did I smoke a 1/2 a pack.already.

I watched Intervention last night,Watching T.V can trigger something an emotion.
This episode was about a guy hooked on Meth and Heroin pain killers.He lost his house,his families respect,daily he tried get rich quick schemes,sending all his disability money to Nigeria,in hopes of some financial millions to come his way.this would get everyone off his back.he would be back on track.

While I am watching this,I think this is a version of me.He was later diagnosed with Bipolar.

I have spent alot of money this year with little returns on gambling.
I continue to spend money,modestly however cause there is nothing left.
I spend my time dreaming of a writing,I am going to be an author.One of these days.
I work on different projects,in hopes one of them will materialize.

I pour myself a coffee,and light another smoke.I add sweetener as I have to watch my sugar intake,I don't want diabetes too.

I look around my hotel suite.puffing on my smoke.sipping my coffee.
when I logged in there was a comment from Betty who has a friend with Bipolar.She was looking and searching for answers to understanding Bipolar.
Betty found a book Bipolar bare my life~A Memoir was helpful.I will have to read this book.

Betty liked my blog.In my own quest for answers,Bipolar Madness is bigger than the both of us.I fight it,and struggle,at times I control it.
Up one day down the next.
I live it,I write about it.In hopes that you the reader will gain something from it all.That is just another whim of Bipolar Madness.

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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