Waking the dead.

This morning,I was wakened by a nudge to my shoulder,I opened my eyes and asked what do you want? there is always something.Not this morning,just wanted to say good-bye.
all I could utter is get lost ASSHOLE.The dogs where scheduled to start daycare this morning at 7am,with the expectations they would be dropped off.not by be of course 7am is far to early for this sleeping beauty.He called me a princess Diva,as I rolled over.I said it's Queen Bitch to you get it straight. Princess Diva well I was offended.Now he has awakened the dead and 10 minutes has passed,I said in the 10 minutes you stood here yapping,the dogs could have been at daycare and you on your way.I have to work was his response,and left finally.I called the daycare and said Good-morning Matt,in a crumbling tone of voice.I said I will not come until later what possessed me to even think of being out the door at 7am was beyond me.In his Good-morning laughter tone.He said come when it suit you.someone who understands my thinking.end of arguement,or debate.
I went to the hotel front desk to pay my keep for the day.Two lovely ladies,dressed,make-up and cheerful attitude,all I could think is why am I surrounded by all these happy morning people.then there me who begrudges rolling over.I take the electronic card,head back to the room.I look at the dogs and said are you ready to go,they also jumped with glee,put on there coats and mine.The morning is cloudy,and dull as we walked more happy morning people saying how cute the dogs are which always puts a smile on my face,we pass a dog,Luke remains calm.
Progress,two guys are coming out of the store,called Luke a soldier.he has an army coat.I laughed and so did they.we approach the daycare I was feeling,like a proud mom
taking her kids to the first day of school.The daycare attendants took them from me,they ran to play with the other dogs.I left with separation issues and a sense of relief,thanking the good lord for such a facility and 2 minutes walk from where I am.
Back at the room I think now what.missing them already.made a few calls talked about New Years eve plans,ordered tickets for a dance at the Delta Markham Hotel.
called my best pal Coco,we laughed,about my morning mishaps,another cheerful morning person.called my mother but by this time I was cheerful myself.we talked and laughed.
worked on my writings,face book with my daughter,twittered away some thoughts.
had a bath,got dressed and time to get the kids(dogs) they where happy to see me.
I talked to them as a proud parent would,saying good job,they both where very calm and proud.We get back to the room,they both curl up and go to sleep.nap time sounds good to me.
Thanks for reading while your here post a comment!

Writing my best seller..A word at a time

The object of the experiment of faith..Is to see if this path I am on my at this stage of my life is the moment of truth.
If you have been following the blog,I have put all other aspects of my existence on hold.
To write a word at a time towards my Best seller book completed for publishing.
There can be so many desire of the heart,that pull at the string,I am focused and active daily in this important project.Today I recognized through prayer and obedience,that it is about surrendering my ego.The book is not about me,however the subject matter Mental health and addictions.seemed to be.As I have lived it.
The certainty of purpose was clarified,to minister to others in there place of need.
not based on my opinion as much because people don't really need a bat over the head when they are already down,but a place of comfort and understanding,encouraged through testimony of example that are relate able to the reader.I have also been doing alot of reading,something out of character for me a thriller suspense novel.
A signature style of writing to call my own.take the reader to a place better than their present reality.When I use to read.I would read the whole book in one or two days.now when I read I limit it to two or three chapters and mediate,absorb what I have read,then I read a few more chapters the next day.
I also write in a similar fashion..topic comes to mind,then I write,write, write about it.
now when an idea or topic,title comes to write I jot it down.then come back to it in a day or two.it gives me a chance to conceptualize what I am writing.
putting the emphasis on form,editing the details as I go along.
A word at a time,one day at a time.
The book unfolds.
Thanks for reading post comments thanks

Emotional Growth

Accepting life on life terms is not easy for most.lessons learned, experiences earned.
Our age is but a number but sometimes when we can't get our way we throw tantrums.
like a two yr old child.Accepting our lives is a big part of emotional growth.
For sure not everything is going to live up to our perfect picture the illusion created within.Therefore everyone around us falls short in our minds.Emotional growth comes in time sometimes never for most.The needy, the wanting,have emotional disturbances.either as a result of mental conditioning,or drinking and drugs does stunt ones growth.The solution for the addict is the substance,relieving them from the harsh realities called ones own life.emotional problems are controlled by other means rather than addressing them, blaming others for the misfortune of the life they have chosen.We see this in relationships.The type of person we choose to be with.the relationship with our parents and siblings.Everyone one can live under the same roof,but perceptions are so different.
Emotions are very real for the sufferer.not knowing what to do with them causes behavioral issue.Coping techniques have been taught either don't feel,look how much medications are prescibed for just this reason.
bury the feeling in addictive acting out behaviors ie sexual drugs alcohol shopping gambling addictions to name a few.
domestic violence,poverty, abuse
These realities are harsh for most,learning to live within its grasp is emotionally
exhausting.
there does come a point when emotional growing up is the best solution.
Thanks for reading share a comment
Susan xo

The worst part of Christmas is not doing it~

The worst part of Christmas is not doing it..I can tell ya..this one is going to be difficult.I took a break from media,and all conversations regarding Christmas.
This will take some dicipline so far so good.I have even boycott the malls.
The part that is the hardest is not seeing the family.it will be our first Christmas
apart..they all have there own families,and the torch is handed to them.
but to much relief we are having a baby shower for my youngest she is due in febuary with her first child.The family will be together for this event.then I think I will have a tobagganing party for the family on boxing day.weather permitting.
kids snow and fun yes it is winter..so the best past memories where of these moments.
Time to make some new ones,with all the grandkids together with the family which keeps getting bigger..
What are your plans for the holidays please post your comments thanks

Blah Blah Blah

I am taking a break from all forms of media,the news,twitter,yes even face book.
With mood still plummeting like the temperature outside.Today is -21 snow has covered the grounds.winds blowing at high speeds.The only thought on my mind is to be on a plane headed for sunnier warmer destination for Christmas.With all the media hype about shopping family and the freezing cold weather the repetition in media is well driving me nuts.it reinforces the thoughts already running around in my head.
money shopping weather over and over again.minute after minute day in and day out.
I am even writing this blog about it.I know tis the season to be jolly.I am however
human with needs a bipolar that has an illness to manage.A lifestyle conducive for the illness.I look to the side of my eye,a blanket of white snow brightens the glare.
inside is toasty warm.
I can do a few things to make it better.like yesterday I was thinking of winter fun?
things I use to do in the winter.but these bones can't stand the cold.I need to get a winter coat, boots, scarf.then maybe I can go out into the cold.I always throw my clothes and winter coats to good will.The bipolar lets get rid of everything cleaning fritz,then I have to replace Why do I do this? part of an illness Bipolar
Bipolar is strange just like me.
Had a good lunch spinach omelet with a Greek salad.I'll write and read for today.
Thinking of warmer climates.mindful meditation.
How do you manage your illness during winters and holidays?
or do you hibernate in Bipolar depression?
please post a comment,I appreciate them and you!

2009 Coming to a close

2009 is coming to a close,with snow on the ground,Christmas around the corner.A new year fast approaching.It is a time of year that makes me feel sentimental.I ponder years gone by.Memories I hold dear of snow and kids.They seem to go hand in hand.The family memories of Christmas gone by.In future hope of the New year and what it will bring.Thinking of Christmas trees and presents wrapped.Turkey cooking in the oven,Pots boiling on the stove tops.
smile on peoples faces as everyone gathers round.sipping eggnog or stronger drinks.
Snow men,tobogganing,skating,snowmobiling,skiing all part of the winter fun gone by.
pulling it all together always was a mad panic.Rushing here and there.but come Christmas eve the magic happens in the delight of the children's eyes.big and small.
My wish this Christmas is to pass the torch..So my kids can pass it to their kids.
Special moments gone..
The new year is upon us 2010 what memories do you hold dear and what hopes do you have for the new year? thanks for sharing

In the Doghouse

In the dog house with 2 miniature dachshund's.I love my dogs they have been a great addition to my life and well-being.However I seem to be in the dog house with them.
They have changes my life completely.I guess that why they came into my life.I have been wanting to free up some time,as we are together most of the day we do everything together.I have been searching for the answer.On one of our walks last week we found a Doggie rec center.I can tell you I was jumping for joy.The center is a new company.The people are friendly and most of all they love dogs.Yesterday we went for a meet and greet.Luke my male does not like other dogs he just freaks out,alot like me I would say.In regards to his temperament.Today was our first day of professional training.Luke had fun while Lucy and I watched him learn some new stuff.
He settled in and played well.We are going to go every day for an hour.then they can go to Doggie daycare.finally a solution.My aim is to get them trained as therapy service dogs.which will allow me to take them to public places.
Allowing me to have time,to work on other projects.This is a win win solution that came out of the blue.I am grateful that they can have fun and training.while I do other stuff.
I have to get out of the Dog house once in awhile
Thanks for reading and post a comment thanks