midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Monday, February 8, 2010

Sunny days and Social fun


After a night working on my writings,filling my head with information overload.
I made the beds,cleaned up my suite.
Opened the curtains and windows to my delight,the sun was shining on me.
Got the dogs ready and off for our hour walk.While basking in the sunshine,all I could think was I am walking,it is sunny,makes for a good day for bipolar.
Then my girlfriend called,she is in the area and will be dropping by,perfect again for bipolar we tend to spend to much thinking anyways.Time for some social fun for this bipolar. Noon hour I am off to a good start.which makes me happy..so smile the sun shines on us,sometimes
Happy Monday Morning

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Bipolar solutions..I think


Living with bipolar is challenging on good days,living with bipolar on bad days well it's living with madness.
It does take time to learn,adjust everything that is the new you.
Yes sometimes we think of how we used to be.but really those days are gone forever.
Having had bipolar for 15yrs,many of those years where about denial of the illness.
left untreated.
The illness came to a head which means treatment resistant bipolar.
Hold on to your hat if your illness becomes like mine.
The solutions are so simple it really seems too easy.but on the bad days who feel like it,right?

1) Ask for help
2) talk or write about the feelings and thoughts.
3) go for a walk
4) add some social fun
5) meditate
6) eat well and drink plenty of water
7) sleep..really it's ok to sleep.
8) sunshine..even on winter days
9) tell yourself good things..Do good things for yourself.
10)get involved in your health and well-being YOU MATTER

Depending on your cycle of moods one has to adjust before an episode comes in and last for longer than 2 weeks.
If you can identify your own triggers,and mood symptoms you can adjust yourself accordingly.
For example..when agitation,mixed mood manic and depression occur.
optimize relaxation techniques.
when you feel hyper,shaky,angry full of energy,impulsive reduce stimulates ie coffee,media,people.
when you feel sad,negative self talk,isolated.push yourself go for a walk,meet up with a friend,treat yourself to something special.

I hope these tips help and please post a few of your own thanks

Saturday, February 6, 2010

This is it..

This is it,I am completely content and satisfied with that.I woke up in the afternoon.I am extremely calm.I went to the washroom,thinking I can't push myself more than my mind or body can co-operate.It really has a life of it's own.
What I feel is utter calm and content.The day after my period came.once the river of pain and blood took my body..the soul calmed itself funny how nature us.
I sleep, I eat.I am ok with that cause it really is all I can do.
My favorite so I am ok with doing just that......
aaaahhhhhh

Friday, February 5, 2010

Downtown Jackson Brown..

Really the action,the movers and the shakers are Downtown Toronto.
I need to be part of it, networking with others that have the in connections.I have been out of the loop for far to long.Time to get back in the game.
here is my plan.

1) Fashion make-over head to toe.
2) Go to 2 events per week.
3) Work until it hurts with pleasure
4) Secure a downtown location
5) Reconnect with contacts
6) Hire people to do the leg work
7) Enter 2 writing contest per month
8) Write,write,write
9) Sell sell sell
10 Never never never give up!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Locked up or locked down

I awoke from an early evening nap by a dream I was in prison.they where going to transfer me to penitentiary with no possibility for release. I had no money and no one to represent my case.

I have been in a sense under lock down,the freedom I so crave is not possible,the torment of my mind has me bound in fear and doubt.

The inability to make decisions,to make a decisive choice on which direction I am headed.from this perspective the possibilities seem impossible.


Another week of P.M.S during the week prior I am in low mood mode,sleeping and eating,and highly irritable like a raving maniac with no self-control.The week of bleeding like a slaughter pig,leaves me weak,disoriented,headaches,cramps.
This leaves me two good weeks a month.
Hormones,bipolar perimenopause,what a combination.everything is overwhelming.
worry about things I cannot do anything about.Every once of energy taken like a vacumn sucking the dirt from a soiled carpet.
The worst part is every one else see the disrupted behavioral changes.they even say it must be that time.P.M.S
I respond saying it's putting up with your shit,I want to head for the door or any exit available to escape the feeling I have having to deal with you.
Certainly,there must be something.I can do!
In the 1800's the doctors used vibrators to keep a women from going mad.
Maybe if I had vibrating underwear.I would be happy.Dealing with this time of life
is difficult for me.Just imagine how difficult it is for my loved ones.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mornings

This morning I woke up at 4am,after a dream of a family get together in my new condo.
yes it was just a dream.The feeling however made me realize how much I miss my family.Yes they drive me nuts..at times.How dull things are without that though.Really I needed a break and I took it.also who wants a mother minding there full grown children's lives.I miss there laughter,there quick and responsive ways of communication.The looks in there eyes.I miss them and my grandchildren very much!
With the addition of a new grandson soon upon us.February 10th,My youngest daughters first child.it is a quite exciting time for all of us.
This morning I went for my hour walk,played with the dogs in the snow.I throw the ball and Luke brings it back.It is so cute,while Lucy cries cause she is cold.
I need to get closer to the family,closer to the city.
I will look for a solution as this just isn't working.
Right now.that's all for now please leave your comments

Monday, February 1, 2010

Writing my daily word count

I counted words tonight for my short story.I am writing for a competition.I love to win at challenges.1st prize is 5,000 cash and a 30 week program for writers at Humber College.
A published short story.
Recognition for published works and a prize appeals to me.
It also takes me away from the bipolar topic.Something of a different place,The Victorian Era.I enjoy talking about myself in character.Express my silent voice through spoken words is a vehicle worth exploring.disciplining myself to see the story through to conclusion.
Daily I write rest,pace think and repeat.The daily word count is beyond the racing thoughts of my brain.I pour the words in a flowing manner,thinking of life between the sheets.
I have to finish the first draft,I am 1/2 way there.counting the words.is better than memorizing in thought.
Thanks for taking action by reading.
leave a comment I really appreciate them

Thanks for dropping by..till next time

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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