midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Sunday, July 12, 2009

Medications ~~~~~Why I have chosen other options


Medication is a topic in the bipolar world,I will start by giving you a little of my experience first and then my thoughts.. I was initially diagnosed 15 years ago,I would take then medications to pull me through usually an anti-depressant when I could not pull it together on my own..however during this time I was also into alcohol and yes took a draw of a blunt
actually a half a quarter per day.mixed with the anti-depressants well I can assure you the whole combination ended me either in hospital or at a withdrawal management facility.I would rather drink and smoke than pop pills any day..however I had attended an A.A meeting with my brother who was the drunk not me..I did everything not to be one as my Father died from alcohol.I didnt drink alone,before noon,or have it affect my functioning, I was a functioning alcoholic.however when my mood where
low as they do happen to get when the booze and party runs out, I would walk into the Dr's office and get the antidepressants.aha in a few weeks I was up again ready to party..but after I sobered up and remained off the alcohol and weed the strangest thing happened..I got more and more depressed withdrawal..I had been using drugs and alcohol so long that I could barely function without it..I would continue with the 12 step progam and my life did improve it took work and decision on my part.the emotional basket case.subsided
leading to by rapid-cycling diagnosis about 5 years ago.even though I thought I was dealing with the booze and drug problem I was still in denial about the bipolar issue
but when I walked into the Dr's office yet again they referred me to a shrink..yep it had progressed to rapid-cycling.I was giving alot of pills over the 3 years of compliance.at one time I was on 10 different drugs just to balance me out.well I never did balance out I was med resistant as the Dr said.after taking these very harmful pills.which I can tell you from my own experience that I did not like the effects at all..weight gain 80lbs,zombie like,shaking,vomiting,but what other options did I have well I could barley roll out of bed,when I did I would sit in my chair so numb dumb,and very alone I could not understand what was going on with me..I had to learn more.so I did alot of research in the years gone by,I meet with the shrink every month,that option is so gone now as they don't really do anything other than prescibe,monitor the moods and that"s about it,my life has been overtaken from the illness as I have taken this aspect far to serious. I am now feeling better than I have in 5 yrs mostly do to walking every day 1 hour my diet, no longer is filled with sugar and carbs..I eat healthy.drink water,yes I do contend with the moods rather other people have to I have have learned that I am not going to medicate myself so I can be more tolerable for others don't like it too bad..see me tomorrow you might like me then,the moods are a part of me on meds or not.its up to me to do what it takes to feel better, be better and acceptance has been a great key to all this a lot of who I am is.I can't or don't want to change these aspects of myself but what I can change, I have changed which has really been a learning experience for me.change never somes easy as sometime we have to admit.who really wants to be honest to admit our faults character flaws or just learned behavior
it hasn't worked is not working so something had to give..mental illness bipolar
gave to me so much more than I think I will ever be able to give back. I am grateful today to share my courage, strength, hope with you, that if your reading this you will find that your not alone and recovery is possible one day at a time
easy does it..Do it..Good

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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