midnightmatters

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This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Thursday, October 1, 2009

About power and control in bipolar

Power and control in this bipolar,there are many factors while I insist on being in control,yet so out of control at the same time,when I can control my circumstances and environment having things in line, are somewhat less chaotic for me.as I ponder the control issues of myself and others,I see that money has been the root,of power and control,when I have the money everything and everyone is within my control.people places and things I am free to engage in my behaviors.
The issue of control as long as things go according to my plan it is smooth sailing for everyone,but how realistic is this when others are involved.
The very thing I love has been taken away for the time being as I have no money today.
humbled by the mere fact,of having to ask the Hotel Manager a cute as pie south african, if I could pay for my suite tomorrow I was up all night how to get out of asking I really hate asking or being humbled in this way.I always pay whats due.This not being able to is in part of financial fumbling and living way beyond what is coming in.engaging in a spending spree that at the moment I can't possible keep up with or can I we will soon see.
But for today I am here at the hotel,humbled,asking for help is harder than giving the help thats for sure.recieving help is making me question my abilities,and my resources at this present time.
Power over my own life comes from one place in my heart God,The realization that money
is about the control.
I'm able to see the difference today
There is only one thing I can control and with Bipolar this gets tougher and tougher
is my actions.It really does take a daily effort to keep the Bipolar dragon at bay.
Accepting the facts of my reality is the hardest truth.
like it or not I am out of control.God is in control take over I can't be bothered any more
Thanks for listening comments are appreciated

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A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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