midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In the depths of Bipolar Madness


In the depths of Bipolar Madness.One has to understand that first and foremost our illness controls us,we are not in control of it.Sure,there are plenty of things we can do to keep things in check.But I for one find myself letting things slide at times,mostly in the low moods of Bipolar.
Costly consequences for my actions or my illness.

It is 4:30 am.I slept soundly,awoke thinking and worrying of possible outcomes.
I have a calmness with agitation.What can I do,went to the lobby of the hotel to get creme for my coffee.I know,I shouldn't be having coffee,but I am having one anyways.
I light another cigarette,really how did I smoke a 1/2 a pack.already.

I watched Intervention last night,Watching T.V can trigger something an emotion.
This episode was about a guy hooked on Meth and Heroin pain killers.He lost his house,his families respect,daily he tried get rich quick schemes,sending all his disability money to Nigeria,in hopes of some financial millions to come his way.this would get everyone off his back.he would be back on track.

While I am watching this,I think this is a version of me.He was later diagnosed with Bipolar.

I have spent alot of money this year with little returns on gambling.
I continue to spend money,modestly however cause there is nothing left.
I spend my time dreaming of a writing,I am going to be an author.One of these days.
I work on different projects,in hopes one of them will materialize.

I pour myself a coffee,and light another smoke.I add sweetener as I have to watch my sugar intake,I don't want diabetes too.

I look around my hotel suite.puffing on my smoke.sipping my coffee.
when I logged in there was a comment from Betty who has a friend with Bipolar.She was looking and searching for answers to understanding Bipolar.
Betty found a book Bipolar bare my life~A Memoir was helpful.I will have to read this book.

Betty liked my blog.In my own quest for answers,Bipolar Madness is bigger than the both of us.I fight it,and struggle,at times I control it.
Up one day down the next.
I live it,I write about it.In hopes that you the reader will gain something from it all.That is just another whim of Bipolar Madness.

Thanks for dropping bye,please give me some feedback on this post!

5 comments:

  1. The hardest part is maintaining with the chaos in our heads. Intervention is such a hard show to watch. The agony those people go through. My past too was filled with substance abuse and adventure. Your post touched me. There are never easy answers are there?

    ReplyDelete
  2. i come on your blog like i do so many others. i dont write myself maybe because i'm scared of expressing myself maybe because i dont know what to say. one thing for sure your words and other helps this young soul . i just wanted to thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I write about my fibro because the physical symptoms seem so much more immediate, but the bipolar can really screw things up. Sometimes at work I get totally frantic when the customers come one right after the other, not giving me a break to do other things that need to be done. It terrifies me, because I know that one of these days it will be too much and I'll crack. High stress levels are absolutely horrible for bipolar - they trigger mood swings, and that can mean losing yet another job . . .

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very nice blog :)

    I would encourage anyone who can not find relief to their symptoms of mental illness to explore complimentary medicine. Dr. Abram Hoffer has written many books on an Orthomolecular Approach. I would also recommend Dr. Scott Shannon's books.

    "Please Don't Label My Child" is excellent.

    Through the use of a medical doctor who uses an Orthomolecular Approach I discovered on my own that my symptoms of mania were a result of long term chemical exposure in the work place. I ended up with a worker's comp case and received a settlement. I was entitled to malpractice for misdx of bp but I did not want to go that route.

    Psychiatrist get very little training in toxicology and nutrition.

    As a volunteer I have been helping the International Center for the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology, Inc. (ICSPP)

    Here are some blogs I have set up to try and create an awareness.

    http://investigatingmentalillness.blogspot.com/

    http://psych-talk-icspp.blogspot.com/

    http://a-medicine-of-hope.blogspot.com/

    Please check out information about PsychRights on icspp.org there will be a webinar presentation on Feb. 24.

    ICSPP members, student and hardships are invited to participate for an at cost rate of $20 using the promo code icspp2010

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi, This is my first visit to your blog and I believe that you do a great job by educating people the actual effects of the terrible mental illness, bipolar disorder also called the manic depression. It is a serious illness with serious consequences. It is worse than any other depression disorders because for the high it is known for.

    ReplyDelete

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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