Thankful Thursday How lucky am I

Thankful Thursday,well this week I am thankful for kindness,increasing my capacity to receive,and weight loss. I start the day with prayer and gratitude there is a change in my attitude.I woke up at 10am,went for an hour walk in the rain with a grateful heart,the dogs however where not impressed.
Money is tight once again,I asked the manager if I could pay for my suite tomorrow.
I really hate to ask,pride.
He said kindly no problem.well I can tell you it was a problem for me.fear pride and humility.The room service lady took long to clean the suite.minor irritant
once gain work is dead.I had not planned for that.I did my on-line work,had a nap,
when doubt comes in I start wonder,what the hell I am doing?
I am thankful for my capacity to receive.exactly what did I receive today,patience..
never been my forte..understanding others,rest and peace of mind, weight loss I can tell you about two dress sizes and 50lbs since I came off the meds,this is making me feel lighter,the body shape is coming back bonus!
However I have not been eating my vegetables,some things are important and this is one of them I really notice a difference in mood going towards low.when I cut this part out.
Evening came,I did socialize with a few others from the hotel that have other dogs.came back and then..the post from another got me fired up..
finally some fire under my ass.
the topic was education.many people say I am lucky that I don't have to take meds.
where exactly is the luck? I was med resistant,which means for two years of med compliance,adverse side-effects,sickness,vomiting,shits,zombie land,I could not think write talk,my hands shaking like I was epileptic.80lb weight gain not able to work.sitting in a room alone.I didn't want anyone to see me like that,much less my family and friends.
what came next..teaching myself about the illness..I had no supports oh yes a Phychiatrist that sent me to learn,it started small.no coffee OMG he such a prick!
eat vegetables without the dip,get real,what planet is he from anyways.
However he was so darn cute I kept going back to see him.really that is why I did.
God does have a sense of humor with stubborn people like me.
Another thing no drugs and no alcohol,oh come on I am going to an all inclusive resort
in Punta Cana..he said all inclusive doesn't mean you have to drink everything available.one drink
I stopped smoking weed,from 1/2 quarter to not inhaling.now that's progress
sunlight was another one of his bright ideas.now really how is that possible when I sleep 10-14 hours a day at that time.exclusively a nocturnal night owl.
sun hurts my eyes.
it was the hardest thing in those days to roll over and get to the appointment,most days I just didn't roll just back over and back to sleep.
everything I did,group,therapy,meds nothing worked maybe a day or week.I just wanted my life back.to live
I would walk sometimes maybe to the store to get smokes,then I got the dog.they need to walk,so they took me along sometimes pulling and dragging,but I walked to the park.once I was out we would keep going,from 5 mins to an hour every morning.then again in the afternoon.finally some sunlight and nature beauty was surrounding me once again.things looked colorful.dark dark and dreary as days gone by.
Then an occupational therapist introduced me to mindful meditation.maybe she's nutcase I thought to myself.we did it together.2 minutes worked dily to 20 minutes.suddenly over time racing thought disappeared.
The doctor and myself where happy with the result.I was still slipping in nd out however.then the therapist challenged me finally something to do.work on me!
not on others by controlling them or my environment I learned about triggers,this was insightful and welcomed by family members calmness became a new thing..handling things that came up like conflicts,calmly expressing myself and allowing them to do so.aahh the anger was subsiding
I began to reach out to others..social slowly as the fits of anger where embarrassing to others.I would go out for set time slots initially 1.2 hrs then worked my way up to hours if I was ok.once or twice a week.
I could go on and on I will do a part two to this post but for now the point is it has nothing to do with luck to be med free and the suffering one goes through on meds
is hell on earth.at least it was to me.but slowly behavioral and lifestyle changes
monitoring and maintenance on a the daily,mapping moods,so much to do it takes work nothing comes easy,but the work is showing results.
I was lucky to be up for the challenge always did things they said I couldn't
How are you doing at this moment on your journey with Mental health and Addictions?

Love the moment.flowers grow out of dark places.Therefore each moment is vital.it affects the whole.Life is a succession of such moments and to live each..is to succeed~Corita Kent

Wacky Wednesday

This wacky Wednesday was off to a weird start,I was awaken by front desk 11:00 am
the lady said, we have no suites available for tonight.how can that be I am in one you dumb nut.I told her to have the manager call me.well it put me in a mood.simple as that.I went to the front desk ready to attack,however the manager was there he said I could stay.yeah I guess so nimrod.grab a coffee,back to my room.
I was not in the mood for housekeeping,Do not Disturb sign is on the door.Housekeeping calls and asks if I need service? Do Not Disturb..aarrgghh.
The dogs are quite,I thought let's go for a walk,as it always changes my mood.
I finally dressed for the cold weather,however the sun is shining,very mild.
my pants so big they are falling off me arse.
There is an eeriness about today,quite peaceful,2 hours walk grabbed another coffee.
I need motivation as if the coffee are going to damn well help.the walk did however.
along the way I found a dime,and an elastic for my hair.
Gods way of saying money is coming and fix your hair.
I slip into a jacuzzi bubble bath,then into something more form fitting.
Blow dry my hair,put make-up on
I am loving the shape my body is becoming.
I tried to barbecue some chicken,the tank was empty.
I tried to work,not even a phone call
I tried to blog,the computer died
I tried to improve my mood,but to no avail
I tried could be that I didn't try hard enough.
not likely,it is just one of those days
tried to sleep,can't
tried to pray, does he hear
tried to connect no one there
tried and tried and tried.....

Mental health and Addictions Remember and Honor

This Mission filled will passion and love,is coming from a strong emotion that dwells within.
The voice of others with Mental Health and Addictions those that did not have a choice or chance.My father,Brian Sedgemore died at 48 yrs old from alcohol undiagnosed Bipolar along with so many other dear friends
that have died as a result of Mental illness and Addictions.
I am collecting pictures and names of those who suffered and lost to put a face to the illness that claims so many valuable dear lives.
A call to action that you also remember and honor these important lives
it may very well be a source of pain and hurt for you.There lives are with purpose
to ensure that those that still suffer are not alone in isolation or silence.
please forward names age and pictures and story to my e-mail or facebook inbox
I will be submitting entries to my blog and lets see if the faces of loved ones will say loud and clear that the devastation to lives as a result of Mental Illness and Addictions is real!
Thanks so much for your action and love
please leave comments

Manic Mondays

Manic Mondays..Normally Mondays are hectic as I have done my list of things to do.
This week is different I didn't make the list as I am going to do things instead.
I make the list,look at it put it away some things get checked and some remain on the to do list.The list this week will be things I have done a different approach
This morning started early 6am,rumbling around,I so wanted to go back to bed which is
exactly what I did till noon,aahh much better woke up,had a cup of decaf,then went for smokes,the day is sunny and mild,but from indoors it looked cold and dark.
The dogs and I did our hour walk with a stop for a bite to eat.Traffic was motoring
got a few numbers along the way,got back to the hotel the manager asked if I wanted to change suites for the same price.sounds good to me,and the dogs are happier they now have a view,they made me laugh now they are very particular about hotel suites,
Luke checking things out,sitting in the window,as if he is king,then on the desk,while I went to get a drink,he and Lucy are taking a nap.the life
I made a few calls,getting ready for a productive week as the focus is bring and stashing the cash with six weeks till Christmas..normally I am Santa.
The fat guy with white beard and red outfit..never comes round here.
The other focus is going to be my appearance it has been on the list for awhile
This week I will get it done.
hopefully
It's 7pm I thought I'd fill you in on what happened today..
well I had a nap,dinner,bath and ready for bed yet again I'll watch some t.v
The nights just keep getting longer as winter approaches.
Thanks for reading
post a comment please

In the downtime

After the excitement of my daughter graduating,the anticipation leading up to it.
I was in high gear..In the downtime.I have been very busy with myself.however that downtime means functions,or stride.now what,I have totally blown the cash flow yet again! I always think of that rainy day when it's raining.
I know I am off to a slow start to the week.what a difference a day can make.
I read an article today grandma's on facebook.It caught my attention cause I am a grandma.the article suggest that grandma has found herself staring at the computer and grandpa is left to find his own meals..did this hit home with me.
I will try to get a few very necessary things done this week.just a day or two can throw things out of whack.
it is 1:10am I need to sleep so I can wake up early to address the money situation.
I have missed the dogs as well.they are with my daughter for a few days.hopefully it doesn't last to long.I am sure they miss me!
thanks for reading

A Proud Occasion

My youngest daughter is graduating from her law program tonight with honors.I can tell you leading up to the moments have been stressful as I so want her to know that I am very proud of her accomplishments.It seems this hard to please young woman is making her way in life.She was working for a family lawyer,while she was going to school,she is 26 and became pregnant with her first child.
after spending a evening of spoiling my better half,it was his birthday.I was being nice,he said I know it's my birthday I guess I'll go back to being an idiot tomorrow I thought it was so funny,I don't always show or appreciate my loved ones.but they really do mean the world to me.I just can't be around them all the time.This is part of Bipolar illness.
I know my limits and I work within in them,tonight the whole family will gather to watch her graduate,hopefully I can stay in the moment,to make it special for all
Thanks for reading..Wish me luck!

I laughed I Cried.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster.I did the usual feel good things,yet raw emotions still lingered.laughter,tears,a softness within my heart,that seems to be penetrating to my soul.I heard a quote tears are raindrops that words can't express.
I also found the benefits of a mood disorder...I can do whatever I am in the mood for.I went to the the grocery store,I need more vegetables,I bought a head of cabbage,onion,spinach,fried it up and voila a tasty meal.I was hungry.Then I saw a preview for Julie/Julia,finally got to watch the movie and the timing ws right on.it was funny,made me laugh and cry.Somehow it all makes sense to me now? We may never know what lies ahead,even with goals and deadlines,it's the passing of time in what keeps us alive.Some fill there days cause they have nothing to do? Some work to fill there hearts,or pockets.but at the end of today,I shared abit of myself and in turn others opened up.That's what it's all about!