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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!


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Monday, April 20, 2009


OK even for me before I started to write this I had to take a few deep breaths and ask keep an open mind as tt is controversial and will continue to be.
my point of of view is from an addict and as a bipolar person who has lived with addiction for all of my life, however have overcome many drugs and bipolar as well and continue with it as it is a life long illness it does not go away.

that being said street drugs and there are many,is a way for the addict and the bipolar to self medicate it helps to reduce feelings,anxiety,gives a sense of calm,reduces the amount of thinking,
way to be social,kind of cool,this is taking be back to 18 yrs ago when I was addicted to cocaine,
pills uppers.so I am thinking of why? it was a lifestyle,for me then,everyone did it,lines but then I graduated to the pipe crack.1000.00 dollar a day habit, initially it startswith smoking cigarettes
alcohol ,pot,hash,uppers,downers

I was able to stop using drugs and alcohol by the grace of God
it was not an easy road by any means The program of A.A was my support

When my bipolar diagnosis came initially I was still drinking and doing street drugs,and adding precriptions to the mix.I was not educated or had my bearings or clear or sound mind
this is not a good cocktail...I would end up in the hospital on at least 3 occasions for this bad combination and finally one day I went to DETOX.
Once I got clean and sober 8yrs later...and 12yrs of non treatment for my BIPOLAR
it hit like a ton of brinks RAPID-CYLING ACUTE BIPOLAR was my diagnosis the doctor was quite serious and very concerned.as he explained to me it is a brain disease YIKES I said to myself he gave me a presciption I left in tears and went home.

the difference this time is I am fighting it the illness as hard as it is fighting me.
this time I took the pills as prescibed and complied with his treatment plans.
the side-effects of medications where awful,I gain weight 40lbs I looked and talked like a zombie,I had terrible shakes my hands,I was not leaving my house as I didn't want people to see me like this.
lucky for me I was med resistant so he took me off them .I just take one tablet now which keeps me calm,with no side-effects and helps me to lose weight which is great,

but with all these side effects in mind was it really any worse than the days gone by of using drugs or alcohol?
many people question medicationthose that are ill. yet they have no problem drinking a six pack or more smoking a few joints,or what ever there drug of choice may be,but when it comes to medication for mental illness or addiction somehow there is a disconnect.

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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