midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Bitter Cold of Bipolar

January 9 2010

The morning started at 3am,full of promise for the day.I did my on-line work.A thought came.I must get out and about today even if it hurt.I have been couped up due to a bad knee.I showered and dressed,yes today is the day.I was motivated and raring with unusual energy.My husband looks up from his pillow beneath his head.says what are you doing.I resounded quite loudly we are going out,he looks at the clock on the side table,it's only 4:00am.never mind get ready and lets go.
Where to he asks,I don't know we will figure that out while driving.I asked him to stop for coffee.I go into Tim Horton's,with a big smile and make my order.
aahh I love a morning coffee,even if It makes me manic.We sit in the cold car barely heated,the music is playing.I was just happy to get out,Where to,he asks
lets just drive.he says I have to go to work at 6am,I said I was fully aware but there are a few things we need to do? like what?Go to the bank,breakfast,then take the dogs to day care.not much is open at this time of day Susan.
We drove,I was looking at the Christmas lights,people waiting at bus stops,thinking I love my life.at least I don't have to go work for a meager wage,waiting for the bus at 4 in the morning,in the darkness of a cold bitter night.

We killed some time till 7am,the daycare was open,hubby dropped them off before his day of work.all I could think was I am free.Time to myself.time stood still,while the inspirations for the day,the possibilities came to mind.

I heard a knock at the door,it was housekeeping.I love my life I boast.I grabbed my coat,told her I am leaving for the day.she smiles

I enter the restaurant,looking around the dining area was filled with men having breakfast either with co-workers or alone.The waitress poured my coffee,took my order of 2 eggs over easy,bacon and brown toast, set the morning Toronto Sun on the table.I read the news,and my horoscope.

I stood at the doorway of the hotel,thinking to myself now what? what direction should I go as I headed towards Dixie,the sun was shining,but the bitter gusts of cold wind.blowing make me think,just get a cab.not one in sight so with one foot in front of the other I kept going.I walked for a half hour,decided to stop at the bus stop thinking of homeless people,the others that have to wait for the next bus.Really what was I doing I had a choice I went into the Tim Horton's,finally some warmth got a coffee.asked the service guy to order me a cab.

While I was waiting for the cab,A young tall blond haired Guy in his 20's start to tell me how his life is all messed up,he just got out of jail.I gave him the change from my pocket and said to him he is young enough to turn it around.imagine being old and fucked up.He said have a good day,Suzanne.he must have over heard the guy when he was calling the cab.I had given him my name.

Once in the cab I was cheerful,and talked abit to the cabby,said I was just going to Dundas.once there I had some to kill.so I looked through the store called value village,I am starting to like just looking at other peoples junk.and well the prices are unbeatable.

Once I finished my smoke,I went to change my nail polish to a burnt red to match the turtle neck I was wearing.I looked at the reflection of myself in the mirror.
warm and bundled,however not the most fashionable.

By the end of the day,I just wanted to get back to the hotel suite,have an infused jacuzzi bath,with coconut and wild berries,it was scrumptious as the jets energized my muscles,the hot water slowly defrosted my body and mind.

Back to my Life that I love!

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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